Monday, August 7, 2017

Don't pull the covers OVER Me. COVER ME - Part II

Last month’s blog entitled “Don’t pull the covers OVER me. COVER ME” – Part I,  we talked about covering and the importance of a man being in a position to cover his wife/bride.  We also talked about the  FIVE qualities he needs to possess.   If you haven’t read Part I, please stop, go back and read it before you read this one so you can get the full picture. If you already read it, carry on.  Here are the five qualities your potential husband should possess:

1 - Worship: Those that worship God must worship him in spirit and in truth. Check his worship meter. His ability to worship, not just during church service but daily will help you make the decision if he is fit to be your King.

2 - Prayer: And when you pray, pray our Father, who is in heaven, hallow (holy) be your name.  Can he pray? Does he know more than "Jesus wept" from an Easter program? Sista girl, if he can’t cover you in prayer, he can't cover you in any other area.

3 - Pastor (shepherd): Is he capable and fit to lead you in the word?  Does he understand the scriptures and are applying them to his life? What have you observed thus far? If he is doing a horrible job in leading him, he sure can't lead you.

4 - Protector: Is he in a position to protect you?  This is physical (natural) and spiritual protection. Is he gentle with you or harsh and insensitive? Can he pray on your behalf and intercept the devil's plan for your life? If he isn't observant, aware, and cautious; he can't protect you.

5 - Provider:  The man should do the heavy lifting, literally and figuratively. If he can't provide for you, he is not in a position to marry you.

The word of God tells us that where there is no vision, the people perish. Men are positioned to be the visionaries of their home, but if they do not possess these qualities, where or how are they getting their vision download?   I know the desire and need for women to get married is increasing daily however, I also know that the separation and divorce rate in the church is increasing daily as well. The common denominator is flesh. Women/men are choosing the wrong mate or at the wrong time or simply allowing their flesh to lead their relationships and marriages rather than the word of God.  When the going is good, God is the head, but when the going is not going, God gets pushed to the back.

You can’t desire a Godly relationship and remove God out of the equation. Marriage is a God idea and in order for it to work, you have to use God’s roadmap which is the word of God.  Ephesians 5: 25-28 says Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.  – The Message version. 

How can a man do any of this without God leading him 100% of the time? How can God lead him 100% of the time if he is not spending isolated time in worship or prayer?

Let’s expound a little bit on the five qualities so you can see why these areas are so important for your future covering to possess.

Worship – it is the most vulnerable place that you can be with God. In time of worship, God will show your husband who he is and will also show him what he needs to be for you and toward you. Worship allows him to be naked and unashamed before God, withholding nothing but gaining everything he needs to be empowered, equipped, and encouraged as a husband, father, and leader. David was a worshiper. Despite his flaws, insecurities, and faults, he knew that a life of worship was a necessity not only for him to be a great king/leader but a great man, husband, and father.

Prayer – a life of prayer allows God to give him daily instructions and guidance on how to lead his wife and family. Prayer is talking to God. It is a two way conversation despite what you have been told. Prayer is the entry way to God’s heart and it provokes God to move on your behalf.  Prayer is more than rambling off request and demands, it is the ability to hear from God and to gain insight and wisdom on what to do next.

Pastor (shepherd) – if a man is unable to lead himself in worship and prayer, he most definitely will not be able to lead you or his family. A house divided against itself cannot stand and how can two walk together unless they agree. Ladies, if you are dating an unbeliever and you are a believer, you are unequally yoked. If you are dating a believer and you two are on a different spiritual level, you are unequally yoked. You should not be the one leading him to God or in prayer and worship, he should be in a position to lead you. Look at his lifestyle as a single man. Does he live a life of prayer and worship outside of weekend and weekly worship. What is he doing in his spare time? What does he spend most of his time doing? A Pastor (shepherd) is someone capable of leading you spiritually. Can you he do that?

Protector – can he protect you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? Does he possess qualities of a protector or does he possess qualities of an abuser? This isn’t necessarily physical abuse but it isn’t exempt. A protector is someone who can protect you from a person or thing that is trying to harm you, this includes the devil, hence why the above three qualities are vitally important.  Pay attention as to how he protects the other women in his life as well as those he claim are important to him. How he treats others is how he will treat you.

Provider – this should be a no brainier but let’s go here anyway. Listen ladies, if a man is incapable of taking care of himself, he is in no position to take care of you and a household. I know people run into hardships. I have had my fair share as well but at no time should he depend on you to carry him or the load in a dating or courting relationship. If he is not in a position to provide, he should not be seeking marriage. Marriage is a partnership and we are called to be each other’s help-meet, that is financially and otherwise. It is irresponsible for a man to date recklessly and then marry someone knowing that he is not in a position to provide or at least contribute to the welfare of his wife and children.  Allow him to get his affairs in order or at least be working toward getting them in order before you make a grave mistake in marrying him prematurely. Finances is one of the #1 reasons couples are getting divorced. Break the cycle!.
I pray after reading Part I & II of this blog series you will have a better understanding of what your covering should look like. It is easier to prevent then it is to cure a sickness or disease. I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of seeing marriages in the body of Christ separate and end in divorce. 

Let’s start making better decisions so we can starting seeing better outcomes.  We, the body of Christ, are the called, chosen, and example to the rest of the world as to what marriages should look like.

Treal Ravenel, The Wife Coach

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Sunday, July 9, 2017

"Don't pull the covers OVER Me. COVER ME" - Part I

Sex Sex Sex, that is all most relationships tend to focus on nowadays. Thanks to Steve Harvey, he has women waiting at least 90 days to give up the cookie (sarcastic grin). You all know the spill regarding sex and marriage so I won’t go down that path but what I will do is to help you identify your true worth and value rather than playing yourself like a counterfeit Queen.

This is a message for my single women and for those who haven't caught their life or marriage yet.  

Your purpose in a relationship is not for your body to be used as an instrument. God created the man to love (cover) you as Christ loved (covers) the church and gave himself for her in a husband capacity – Ephesians 5:25.

Prior to him becoming your husband, he should possess certain qualities that speak loudly at his ability to be able to cover you.

Nowadays, the focus is more on getting the covers pulled over you rather than the man taking his rightful place as your covering. If his sole focus is on getting the cookie prior to marriage, he is not deserving of your hand in marriage just yet. I encourage you to deeply reconsider and ask yourself, can he cover me? You will be able to answer this question by evaluating his behavior during your dating period. Based on your answer, that will tell you if you need to take the relationship any further or exit left and quickly.

Part of a man being able to cover you is not  just in prayer, but in protection, in pastoring (shepherding), and providing for you.  Now don’t get me wrong, prior the marriage, he may not be operating in this capacity at 100% because some things should be left for the marriage only. 

However, you should be able to identify if has these qualities.  Society and sin has caused so much confusion and corruption when it comes to the marriage covenant and the principles of marriage are not given the same weight and value as God intended. In fact, they are often misunderstood and misused. 

So how do we do marriage God’s way? We have to understand the role of the man and why God entrusted him with such a role.  God is the head of the man and the man is the head of his wife and together with his bride they are the head of the children.

One can only occupy the position as head or leadership in being your covering when he is in alignment with God. Once he is in alignment with God, he will know how to properly lead or cover his wife and family. 

In today’s society, there is too much negotiating going on. Women are taking on the responsibility of a wife without every getting a ring — they have somewhat equated sharing a mortgage or other responsibilities together as a commitment. That is not him covering you, that is you compromising. Women as well as men have a responsibility in ensuring that they take their rightful place in God so that they will be positioned rightfully in the marriage relationship.

I am not throwing stones on anyone as I have had my fair share of compromising in relationships. I tolerated way too much foolishness and didn’t understand how valuable I was nor did I understand the role a man should have been playing was my covering. I thought because a man was taking care of me financially and otherwise, that gave him rights to me but the devil was and still is a liar. I needed a covering not a cookie crumb snatcher.

Your covering (husband) should be able to call forth and help cultivate your purpose as he hears from God, but if he ain’t hearing from God, he can’t do that. If he is too busy listening to his body parts, he could care less about your purpose. Single ladies, are we still rocking?  Listen, you have to get to a place where you know your role and true value and understand what your future husband’s role should be and anytime those things are not in aligned; you know when to back away.

Don’t allow looks, status or the fact that he attends church regularly and serve in ministry fool you. Check his covering meter. Is he in a position to cover (pastor, protect and provide) for you.  I had to do that before I married my husband.

What many don’t know is before there was the Detour or Wives Who Win Movement, my husband was already speaking my TODAY into existence before we got married. I remember us walking on the beach and him prophesying into my life regarding a women’s movement and the magnitude of it. I was in complete denial and honestly told him that he was wrong (in so many words) and that I didn’t want to be apart of anything big. I was in denial not because it wasn’t true but because I didn’t feel capable. I couldn’t see how or even why God would use me in this capacity. I allowed fear, doubt and my insecurities to paralyze me. Through all of that, he continued to Speak Life and God’s promises over me. It was to the point, I was annoyed :). He would cover me in prayer and fast on behalf of me and what God had called me to do, BEFORE we were married. 

My husband knew what God had told him concerning his future wife and he knew what his responsibility was. He has always had my back (spiritually and physically) and continues to declare God’s promises over my life. When I doubt, am fearful or insecurities attempt to overtake me, he reminds me WHO I AM and what I have been called to do and that it WILL get done. 

My husband's faith is immeasurable and I am so blessed and honored to be one with him. Marriage isn’t just about two people having fun together — more than that, it is about two people coming together to impact the nations in a massive way. You can only do that if you both are walking in their God given purpose and assignment. As my husband prays for me, I do for him as well. If you are not praying one for another, I encourage you to start today. A three stringed cord is not easily untangled (manipulated, divided, or loosed). 

Single women who are dating..... if all he wants to do is put covers over you rather than cover you in prayer and worship, then I need you to exit stage left now!!!!

See, my husband wasn’t concerned about getting my cookies or crumbs or getting under any type of covers, he was solely focused on destiny birthing through me and taking his rightful position in the process. He knew his position as my covering before he was even my covering. He made it known what his purpose was not just by what he said but by what he did.

In case you are wondering what qualities my husband needed before he could ask my hand in marriage, and what any man who desire your hand in marriage should possess, here are FIVE qualities:  

1 - Worship: Those that worship God must worship him in spirit and in truthCheck his worship meter. His ability to worship, not just during church service but daily will help you make the decision if he is fit to be your King. 

2 - Prayer: And when you pray, pray our Father, who is in heaven, hallow (holy) be your name.  Can he pray? Does he know more than "Jesus wept" from an Easter program? Sista girl, if he can’t cover you in prayer, he can't cover you in any other area.

3 - Pastor (shepherd): Is he capable and fit to lead you in the word?  Does he understand the scriptures and are applying them to his life? What have you observed thus far? If he is doing a horrible job in leading him, he sure can't lead you.

4 - Protector: Is he in a position to protect you?  This is physical (natural) and spiritual protection. Is he gentle with you or harsh and insensitive? Can he pray on your behalf and intercept the devil's plan for your life? If he isn't observant, aware, and cautious; he can't protect you.

5 - Provider:  The man should do the heavy lifting, literally and figuratively. If he can't provide for you, he is not in a position to marry you.

We will expound on these FIVE  qualities in Part II, so stay tuned.

Treal Ravenel akak the Wife Coach

P.S. Wives Who Win "How to Win in Your Marriage" Virtual book launch kicks off Wednesday, July 12th @ 8:00p.m.  Click HERE to join the party!

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Sunday, June 4, 2017

Not Out but Through "Eradicating the "D" word from your Marriage

I know the challenges that couples are faced with especially in the beginning stages of marriage. In fact, the first 3 - 5 years  can be the hardest in marriage why, because you're trying to bring two different lives together and make it one. Let's not even include if you have children or a blended family, it is even more difficult.  That in itself is a hard pill to swallow. So just imagine if these two individuals are not whole, dealing with past issues, hurt, pain, insecurities or anything that will prohibit them from being whole within themselves and enter into marriage in that state. I know for me and my husband the first couple years was challenging for us and we had a hard time just simply getting along if I can be brutally honest with you. He had his ways and I had my ways and we both were very stubborn people. We both wanted our way and many times acted out of pure selfishness in order to get it.

There were times we were distant with one another and there were times where we blamed one another for various things in our marriage. We were on two separate teams. Yeah.... two separate wavelengths and we were foolish enough to think that our marriage would still be blessed. 

There were times where I wanted to walk away and yes I used the D-word (Divorce) on more than one occasion. I threatened to leave, threatened separation and threatened that I would be better off with someone else. But what I can tell you is that anytime you're using words to tear others down vice build them up and especially in your marriage, then you are headed for a road of disaster. 

See for me because I was in a very abusive relationship in the past, my tongue was a serious fighting machine. I wasn't able or strong enough to fight back physically, so I did so with my mouth. I would say words to tear you down and think nothing of it.

I have a gift. God gave me this voice, he gave me the ability to be able to speak to others and in my speaking and writing lives transform and it is only through his grace and mercy and him working in and through me.

There was a point where I used my gifts and my strengths for the wrong reasons and wrong motives even in my marriage. I failed to see the whole picture at times because I wanted to paint my own canvas the way I wanted it and I didn't want to take in consideration of including my husband. I did not want to have to deal with his past, his hurts, his pain, his insecurities, his discomfort. 

Can I tell you something? Regardless of how much you feel that you have arrived, we all have insecurities. We all come to the marriage with a bag. Now how full that bag still may be is up to you and the work that you've done beforehand but we all come with a bag

There was a turning point in our marriage and my husband and I had to come to grips that we were too selfish people and in order for our marriage to be healthy, happy and to last for a lifetime as God intended, there were some things that we had to do.

Now before my husband realized it, I realized, so I was the initiator. To all the wives who feel that your husband isn't onboard and you are in this thing alone, just know that your consistency and you going deeper in God is going to make all the difference. 

I want to share with you 5 things really quickly as to why Eradicating the D word from your marriage is so vitally important. 

There's a chapter in my most recent book where I talked about healthy conflict and a part of that is creating boundaries in your marriage and establishing below the belt rules. 

Eradicating the D word should be one of those boundaries in your marriage and I want to share with you 5 reasons why.  

1. You give the enemy ammunition to use against your marriage! Yeah that's right, every time you're speaking negatively into your marriage and you are using words that are contrary to the word of God then you are giving the enemy a foothold to come in swinging. It is the small foxes that destroy the vine and he will use every little small thing, inchworm issue and problem and your words to destroy your marriage.

2. You will see what you have been seeding! Are you noticing that even now in your marriage you're seeing certain things come to pass because you have spoken them? That works for both good and evil.  You have to be very mindful of what words you allow to speak out of your mouth regarding your husband and your marriage. I can assure you that what you say is what you will see and what you see is what you said.

3. Words do hurt and in fact they can and will kill! Proverbs 18:20-21 says "A man's belly shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; with the increase of his lips shall he be satisfied. Vs. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." At no time should you use your words to tear others down and then think by simply apologizing that things are going to be better. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite is true and is going to take some time for you not only to get over those words that have been spoken over your life but to be able to rebuild and restore what someone else has torn down which by the way you probably worked tirelessly to build up from a previous incident.  You don't want that to set that tone in your marriage. If these are things that you have been doing prior to now, make a commitment that after today you will no longer do them.

4. Marriage is a lifetime agreement so get over it! Listen, it takes a lifetime for marriage to get just right so regardless if you been married for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years or one month, you have a lifetime to get it right however, there are intentional steps and things that you have to do in order to contribute to the health and wealth of your marriage. Part of that is praying, part of that is investing, part of that is being on one accord but in all things you have to make sure that you are taking the necessary steps at the right time.

5. You neglect its original intent! So when you're using the D word and threatening to leave the marriage covenant because you're hurt, your emotions are all over the place, you don't like the situation anymore or for whatever reason outside of adultery, desertion or if you are in the life threatening situation then you're going against the order of God. God never intended divorce and in fact he hates divorce. So think twice about using those words and think twice about what God intended for your marriage to be and do here on the Earth.

In order for any of this to be possible, you are going to have to go Deeper!  know I know you may be over it, you maybe tired of being the initiator, you may be tired of doing all the work, you may feel like you're in it by yourself or you just maybe feeling. What I can tell you is this, obedience reap rewards and it will be because of your obedience to God first then to your husband, you will see the rewards.

So can I count on you to take 6 Action Steps to going Deeper in your marriage starting today?


1. What can you do starting today individually or as a couple to reposition yourselves in your marriage? What tools and resources do you need and what are you willing to do to go about obtaining them?

2. What would you do differently starting today to be at a different place in your marriage? Are you committed to doing those things? What is your plan and strategy?

3. What does working at your marriage mean to you? The common phrase is "marriage is work",  but I challenge you to rethink this and think of your marriage as a lifetime investment so with that being said what is the return that you would like to see on your investment? What are you willing to do starting today to ensure you see that return?

4. In your marriage what is considered a good day vs a bad day? When you guys experience these things how do you manage it? Do you reward one another for the good days? Do you extend grace and forgiveness when days are not so good? How are you currently handling this?

5. Is the D word still present in your marriage? If so, are you committed today to removing it once and for all come hell or high water? Remember, the enemy is using this to his advantage, let's not give him the victory. 

6. Are you willing to recommit to your marriage starting today? I know before reading this, you may not have had high hopes or you were discouraged or unsure, but I'm asking you as of today and after reading this blog are you willing to recommit to your marriage? 

For many of you this blog blessed you tremendously. You know exactly what you need to do and how to do it so that you can stop seeking a way out but learning to start working through things together with your husband. 

For many others, this was just the tip of the iceberg for you and you desperately need more. You need some proven steps and strategies that are going to help you not want to give up but want to get up and be able to do what's necessary to save or strengthen your marriage.  

For those of you that are in that space, I would like to personally invite you to join me on Saturday June 24th at SHE'S F.I.R.E 2K17 Conference in Beltsville, MD. At this conference, I will be sharing with you how to re-ignite or initiate the F.I.R.E. in your marriage so that you and your husband can have the life that you love starting right now. Don't think for a minute that there has to be all these issues and problems going on in your marriage for you to attend this conference because what I do know is that constant improvement in you is constant improvement in your marriage. 

Even if you are at a place of good, I am going to show you how to get to a place of great  and to excel from that place.

Click HERE to check out the details and to register. Right now we have a two pay option available so you can secure your ticket for as low as $48 today and have the balance paid by the 16th of June.

I hope to see you there but most of all I want to see your marriage transformed!

This is your girl Treal Ravenel aka the Wife Coach.. allow God to arise in your marriage and every enemy be scattered!

Click HERE to register for SHE'S F.I.R.E 2K17!

Treal Ravenel the Wife Coach

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Monday, May 15, 2017

Childless Mother & the Motherless Child Victory!

Motherhood is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles in society so no wonder so many women struggle with the feeling of measuring up while on the other hand, so many women desire to reap the benefit and honor of bringing forth life.

If you have lost your mother, grandmother or had an absent mom due to death, prison, sickness addiction or any other reason than I want to encourage you. If you lost a child due to an accident, suicide, miscarriage or if you are struggling to conceive, I want to encourage you.

Going through any lost is tough but losing a mother or child or carrying the burden of a deep desire to conceive is by far one of the hardest. 

First thing first, if you find yourself blaming yourself, stop it! Despite what you are going through EVERYTHING will work together for your good. Regardless of the bad decisions you made, the mistakes you made, the opportunities you allowed to pass you by; you still have an assignment and purpose for your life that no one can take it away. Then it wasn't your time, but now it is your time, so join me in claiming VICTORY as I share with you seven amazing women who found victory in the midst of their storm with motherhood!

Sarah went from being barren to birthing a son to many nations but she had to wait on God's timing. When the angel of the Lord told Sarah she would bring forth a child, she straight laughed in his face. Thankfully God's promise did not rely on her faith.  So if you are struggling with disbelief or lack of faith, God can give you the desires of your heart just be obedience and he will increase your faith and bless you above and beyond what you could ever think or imagine.

Pharaoh's Daughter served as surrogate mother to Moses as her father sought to kill all the little Hebrew boys but despite the adversity, despite the circumstances, God provided a safe haven for Moses just as God is providing a safe haven for your child if you had to give you child up for adoption or if you weren't/aren't able to care for your child(ten) right now.  If you are serving as that surrogate mother, stepmother, foster parent, godparents; you are truly a blessing to the children you cover, raise, support and provide that safe haven weather it is just for a day or lifetime.  Your children will rise up and call you blessed.

Hagar was used and abused by Abraham and Sarah to serve as Sarah's maidservant until Sarah birth her own son, Isaac. When she saw how Sarah was miss treating her and how Abraham allowed it, Hagar got out of there!  She refused to be mistreated by anyone even if it required her to be displaced and experience discomfort for a season.  If you are being mistreated, I want you to ask yourself why you are tolerating miss treatment. Don't you know you are far more valuable than rubies? Don't you know you are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God!

Hannah also had to wait on God.  She pleaded, time and time again with God to give her a son as she was barren. She promised God if He gave her a son, she would give that son back to Him and she kept her promise to God and when God gave her a son, she named her son Samuel and she dedicated Samuel back to God.  What are your motives for wanting a child? Is it for selfish reasons or is it to glorify God? Everything you should do, should be to glorify the Lord. If God gave you a son or daughter are you willing to dedicate that child back to Him?

Rachel was a mother to many and she was married to Jacob but she was unloved by her husband. Her husband always wanted to be married to her sister, Leah but their father deceived Jacob after he had worked seven years to marry Leah but Laban (the father) gave Jacob Rachel instead and made Jacob work another seven years to also marry Leah. Rachel thought if she had Jacob's children he would love her more but that didn't quite work out as planned. Despite her husband lack of love, Rachel still rise up to her role and responsibility as a mother to her sons. 

Can you relate to Rachel? Does your child's father give you the cold shoulder or just doesn't love you anymore? Despite his lack of love or participation, you have a job to do and it has to get done weather he loves you and your children along the way or not. Always remember don't get weary in well doing, you will reap a harvest if you don’t give up!

Naomi was widowed who also lost her two sons.  Left with two daughters-in-law who she urges them both to go back with their parents and remarry. One of her daughters-in-law, Ruth refused to go back home.  She told Naomi, "I will go where you go and I will serve the God you serve".  Despite Naomi's sorrow and bitterness, she witnessed to her daughter-in-law through her character. You may be the daughter-in-law to a bitter mother-in-law but don't allow that to steal your joy. Find the good in her and love her where she is even if it isn't where you think she should be.

If you are the mother-in-law, witness to your daughter-in-law with your deeds and your character be the example.  For the word of God says the older woman are to teach the younger women how to behave.

Esther was the motherless child.  It is unknown exactly what age she lost her parents but her uncle Mordecai stepped in and made sure she was okay.  Around the age of 12, she was literally competing and preparing to rise and reign as Queen. She could have had self-pity but she refused to allow her circumstances or where she came from define who she was and who she would become. If for whatever reason today, you are that motherless child/woman don't wobbly in self-pity or waste time questioning God. Know that He has a plan for you! He had it written before you were even formed in your mother's womb.

No matter which scenario you find yourself in, I encourage you to trust in God. Know He would never leave you nor forsake you.  Know he has plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Get connected to women of faith by connecting with groups like DMI Kingdom Women Lounge Facebook group, invest in your self-development to include your spiritual, emotional and physical health.  Get in the room with other like-minded women who want to achieve the same goals and aspirations that you want to achieve. Perhaps you don't  know where to start? Start with registering for the She's F.I.R.E. Conference 2017 happening on June 23-24, 2017 at Sheraton  College Park North in Maryland just 20 minutes outside of D.C.  Today only you can buy one ticket for $97 and get the second ticket for only $25!!!  Bring you and your daughter to experience total transformation!

P.S.  I pray you had an amazing Mother's Day yesterday! Unfortunately I got sick and I wasn't able to post yesterday.  I hope this blessed you!

P.P.S. Be sure to leave a comment below and let me know what you think.  Can you relate to any of these amazing women from the Bible? Have you started to experience your victory?  I would love to hear your story.

P.P.P.S.  Right now I am a childless mother.  The boy in the pic at the top of the page is my Godson/nephew, Bernard like 8 years ago.  His is blessed to have one of the best mom's in the world, my sister Sharron who I called my supermom!  She worked three jobs to provide for her and her children while attending school full time pursuing her R.N. degree.  I am so proud of her! The boy in the bottom page is my godson JaQuan, this pic was three years ago.  He will be 15 this year.  He also is blessed with an amazing mom who works hard to provide for her family and create experiences for them that will last a lifetime.

About the author: Jill Bulluck's Bio | Founder of Detour Movement Inc. a Faith-based organization that reaches 10,000 + women a week promoting the necessity of discovering your true identity through self-actualization rather than materialistic things, living out your purpose in a bold and unapologetic way, creating a life you love, attracting and keeping healthy happy love that leads to a lasting marriage. She is known as the Life & Dating Reinvention Strategist who prepares and positions women who have been able to get all the pieces of the puzzle of life together except this one area, dating relationships. As a result of working with her; women break free from toxic relationships;and ignite their life by standing and speaking boldly in their truth to becoming the boss of their life by being Authentic, Courageous and Non-Negotiable about the life and love they desire.  She is also the best-selling author of the book, "The Biggest Lies Women Believe about Men, Dating and Themselves and co-hostess of the annual  She's F.I.R.E. Women's Conference that gathers over 100 women each year. Visit here website at for more information.

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Sunday, May 7, 2017

3 Things you can do right away to foster growth in your marriage!

I have spoken with quite a few wives who feel like their marriage isn’t growing.  The length of the time they have been married varies from 3 to 10 or more years.  Many of them feel more frustrated than free since the day they said I do. Some even feel like they have plateau in the marriage and not sure of what is next.

I have some good news for you. Growth takes time and it is intentional.  During the first 2 years of my marriage, I felt like many of you – like nothing was happening. I can only imagine what others are feeling especially those that have been married much longer. What I can tell you is that the growth in your marriage begins with you. It will not be an overnight process and it will take consistency on both endsMarriage is like a business and if you want it to grow and succeed; you have to show up every day.

If I asked the question right now “Do you show up every day”; how would you be able to answer that? We tend to show up daily for our jobs, our kids, our businesses and even ministry, but when it comes to our marriage; not so much.  Why is that? The very thing we want more from, we then to give less to.

Good News! Each day you, yes you can do things to contribute to the growth of your marriage.  That is why marriage is a lifetime because it truly takes a lifetime together to get this thing 100% right. Self-growth is often the norm rather than the exception and before you argue that you are perfect or close to it- do me one favor and measure your current growth. The truth of the matter whether you realize, admit it or not, some growth has already taken place.  It may not be as noticeable or desirable as you like but something has changed.  Now that I said that, am I right or am I right?

Sometime growth is stagnant or delayed because once you get to a certain level you stop doing what you have done to get to where you are.  You will never see a committed and active athlete stop working on improving themselves.  Regardless of how great they are they never stop improving to be even better. 

Whether it is you or your husband, someone needs to be the initiator and because you are reading this blog, I vote for you (smile). 

THE 1ST ORDER OF BUSINESS TO ANY LEVEL OF CHANGE OR GROWTH IS REVIEWING YOUR MIND!  ROMANS 12:2 “Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the reviewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.” Renewing of your mind consist of you getting rid of your old way of thinking and adopting the mind of Christ.  You have to change your mind about your marriage and the man you married.  Philippians 2:5 “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”  You can’t focus on all bad and expect all good to be the result.  If there are areas that need to be addressed; communicate them and work through them together.  In times of disagreements; renewing your mind will help you to see that neither is right or wrong but both may have a different way of looking at things and handling them. Guess what? There is nothing wrong with that and can be used as an advantage and strength to your marriage if you allow it.

THE 2ND ORDER OF BUSINESS IS YOU NEED THE HOLY SPIRIT TO BE YOUR GUIDE THROUGH IT ALL! When the Holy Spirit is at work within you, you will be aware of your sin in your life that is affecting your marriage.  You will be able to clearly identify what is wrong and what you need to do or change to make it right.  It is ok if at first you don’t succeed, simply try try again.  Try as many times as needed.  Failure doesn’t mean there is no progress; it just means there is still room for improvement.

THE 3RD ORDER OF BUSINESS IS TIME! Getting upset or mad when you don’t see things happening right away further delays the process - doing so will cause you to neglect or ignore the change that has taken place.  He who began a good work in you, will carry it onto completion until the end and that includes the work started in your marriage.  If God started the work in you; you committed to renewing your mind; the Holy Spirit is leading you then know that it is all a matter of Time before you can clearly see the growth happening in your marriage.

Doing these 3 things is so important for you as a wife in helping foster growth in your marriage and this is why we are hosting the She's On F.I.R.E. Women Conference June 23-24, 2017 in Beltsville, MD.  The conference is for women who want clarity and direction on their mission and vision as they wait for their Mr. Right and for those who are married maintain a healthy life and marriage.  Having a healthy marriage starts with knowing who you are and identifying your purpose and assignment here on this Earth.

The conference website is

You can inbox me on Facebook @TrealRavenel for more information.

P.S. As part of our annual conference, we are looking to partner with fertility professionals and corporations who sell natural products.  Contact us via our website at

Treal Ravenel aka the Wife Coach

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