Monday, December 12, 2011

Staying Intimately Connected to Christ

Have you ever entered into a new season in your life, be it a new job, going back to school, a new hobby,  joining a sports team, joining a sorority/fraternity, moving to a new area,  or forming a new relationship and then you found it difficult to continue attending Bible Study(BS), church service or other ministry activities?  

I know for me working full-time and attending school nearly full-time, 80% of my spare time is devoted to school, leaving little time to do other things.  

So if you are like me, you may ask yourself how you can stay intimately connected to Christ when your life and situations are constantly changing?  And what exactly is the whole intimacy with Christ thing anyway?  Well I am glad you asked the question.  Starting with the latter, an intimate connection with Christ is beyond attending BS, church service or taking part in a ministry.  I am a big advocate of all these things; however, an intimate relationship with Christ can exist in the absence of all these things. 

First let’s look at a definition of the word intimate that I found on Wikipedia.  Intimacy refers to a particularly close interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy.  This definition applies to human interaction.   

For our interaction with Christ, it is a close interpersonal relationship that involves spiritual intimacy.   Spiritual intimacy is made up of our interaction/communication with Christ, talking and listening to God with a deep passion in our hearts to receive and be bonded to Christ.

We talk to God through our prayer life and we hear from God by reading our Bibles and through ministers who have a passion for Christ. When I say prayer life, I am speaking of something that is beyond our grace over lunch and dinner or us mumbling a few words in bed before we go to sleep.  For intimacy we need a prayer closet (bathroom, bedroom, large closet) or some area in our home that we can go into and talk boldly to God, to cry out to God about the desires of our hearts and problems, and to thank God for  his goodness and his mercy.   

Like me, I am sure you are passionate and extremely grateful for what God has done for you.  So we should let Him know by honoring Him and giving Him praise and worship publicly in church and privately; at home, in your dorm, or in your car.  

When we read the Bible, we should meditate on the Word, not just read the words off the page.  Perhaps we need to read and study the same scripture for a week to get a true understanding of what the scripture is trying to convey to us, so we can understand and obey the instructions from God.  For the Word tells us,"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it; then you will be prosperous and successful" Joshua 1:8. This means we have to be diligent in reading, studying and understanding the Word to stay intimately connected to Christ.y ask what is the point of all this, is it really that serious?  And I will tell you it most certainly is.  For in the world, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places”, Ephesians 6: 12.  In order for us to be victorious over the enemy and our own flesh that craves the things of this world (that often leads to sin), we have to put on the entire armor of God, continually fill our spirit with the Word of God, and fill our hearts and mouth with praise and worship through a devoted prayer life.  Getting back to the question about having time for all this, if we were to sacrifice a mere 10-15 minutes in the morning and 10-15 minutes before we go to bed, we would have adequate time to read our scripture,  have some quality prayer time with the Lord, and have little interference  with this busy thing call life.  This is a small sacrifice that will pay big dividends.  If you don’t believe me, check out Deuteronomy 28; Blessing for Obedience.  Until next time, know that God loves you and so do I!  Be blessed!    Staying Intimately Connected to Christ


Have you ever enter into a new season in your life, be it a new job,
going back to school, new hobby, joined a sport team, sorority,
fraternity, move to a new area, new relationship or new friendships
and you found it difficult to continue attending Bible Study(BS),
church service or other missionary activities?  I know for me working
full-time and attending school nearly full-time I find nearly 80% of
my spare time is devoted to school.  This inherently follow being that
the amount of free time I have before enrolling in school has
significantly decrease.  So if you are like me, how then can we stay
intimately connected to Christ when time is so limited?  And what
exactly is the whole intimacy with Christ?  Well I am glad you asked
the question.  Starting with the latter question, an intimate
connection with Christ is beyond attending BS, church service or
participating in missionary.  I am a big advocate of all these things;
however, an intimate relationship with Christ can exist in the absence
of all these things.  First lets likes look at the definition of
intimate, it is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that
involves physical or emotional intimacy (
wikipedia.org).  This
definition applies to human interaction.  For our interaction with
Christ it is a close interpersonal relationship that its spiritual
intimacy.   Spiritual intimacy is made up of our
interaction/communication with Christ, talking and listening to God.
We talk to God through our prayer life and we hear from God by reading
our Bibles. When I say prayer life, I am talking beyond our grace over
lunch or dinner or us mumbling a few words in bed before we go to
sleep.  For intimacy we need a prayer closet (bathroom, bedroom, large
closet) or some area in our home that we can go into and talk boldly
to God, cry out to God about the desires of our hearts, thank God for
his goodness and his mercy.  I am not sure about you but I am
passionate and extremely grateful for what God has done for me and  I
let Him know by honoring Him and giving Him praise and worship. When
we read the Bible, we should mediate on the Word not just read the
words of the page.  Perhaps we need to read the same scripture for a
week to get a true understanding of what the scripture is trying to
convey.  You may ask what is the point of all this, is it really what
serious?  And I will tell you it most certainly is.  For we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12Staying Intimately Connected to Christ


Have you ever enter into a new season in your life, be it a new job,
going back to school, new hobby, joined a sport team, sorority,
fraternity, move to a new area, new relationship or new friendships
and you found it difficult to continue attending Bible Study(BS),
church service or other missionary activities?  I know for me working
full-time and attending school nearly full-time I find nearly 80% of
my spare time is devoted to school.  This inherently follow being that
the amount of free time I have before enrolling in school has
significantly decrease.  So if you are like me, how then can we stay
intimately connected to Christ when time is so limited?  And what
exactly is the whole intimacy with Christ?  Well I am glad you asked
the question.  Starting with the latter question, an intimate
connection with Christ is beyond attending BS, church service or
participating in missionary.  I am a big advocate of all these things;
however, an intimate relationship with Christ can exist in the absence
of all these things.  First lets likes look at the definition of
intimate, it is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that
involves physical or emotional intimacy (
wikipedia.org).  This
definition applies to human interaction.  For our interaction with
Christ it is a close interpersonal relationship that its spiritual
intimacy.   Spiritual intimacy is made up of our
interaction/communication with Christ, talking and listening to God.
We talk to God through our prayer life and we hear from God by reading
our Bibles. When I say prayer life, I am talking beyond our grace over
lunch or dinner or us mumbling a few words in bed before we go to
sleep.  For intimacy we need a prayer closet (bathroom, bedroom, large
closet) or some area in our home that we can go into and talk boldly
to God, cry out to God about the desires of our hearts, thank God for
his goodness and his mercy.  I am not sure about you but I am
passionate and extremely grateful for what God has done for me and  I
let Him know by honoring Him and giving Him praise and worship. When
we read the Bible, we should mediate on the Word not just read the
words of the page.  Perhaps we need to read the same scripture for a
week to get a true understanding of what the scripture is trying to
convey.  You may ask what is the point of all this, is it really what
serious?  And I will tell you it most certainly is.  For we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12Staying Intimately Connected to Christ


Have you ever enter into a new season in your life, be it a new job,
going back to school, new hobby, joined a sport team, sorority,
fraternity, move to a new area, new relationship or new friendships
and you found it difficult to continue attending Bible Study(BS),
church service or other missionary activities?  I know for me working
full-time and attending school nearly full-time I find nearly 80% of
my spare time is devoted to school.  This inherently follow being that
the amount of free time I have before enrolling in school has
significantly decrease.  So if you are like me, how then can we stay
intimately connected to Christ when time is so limited?  And what
exactly is the whole intimacy with Christ?  Well I am glad you asked
the question.  Starting with the latter question, an intimate
connection with Christ is beyond attending BS, church service or
participating in missionary.  I am a big advocate of all these things;
however, an intimate relationship with Christ can exist in the absence
of all these things.  First lets likes look at the definition of
intimate, it is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that
involves physical or emotional intimacy (
wikipedia.org).  This
definition applies to human interaction.  For our interaction with
Christ it is a close interpersonal relationship that its spiritual
intimacy.   Spiritual intimacy is made up of our
interaction/communication with Christ, talking and listening to God.
We talk to God through our prayer life and we hear from God by reading
our Bibles. When I say prayer life, I am talking beyond our grace over
lunch or dinner or us mumbling a few words in bed before we go to
sleep.  For intimacy we need a prayer closet (bathroom, bedroom, large
closet) or some area in our home that we can go into and talk boldly
to God, cry out to God about the desires of our hearts, thank God for
his goodness and his mercy.  I am not sure about you but I am
passionate and extremely grateful for what God has done for me and  I
let Him know by honoring Him and giving Him praise and worship. When
we read the Bible, we should mediate on the Word not just read the
words of the page.  Perhaps we need to read the same scripture for a
week to get a true understanding of what the scripture is trying to
convey.  You may ask what is the point of all this, is it really what
serious?  And I will tell you it most certainly is.  For we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12Staying Intimately Connected to Christ


Have you ever enter into a new season in your life, be it a new job,
going back to school, new hobby, joined a sport team, sorority,
fraternity, move to a new area, new relationship or new friendships
and you found it difficult to continue attending Bible Study(BS),
church service or other missionary activities?  I know for me working
full-time and attending school nearly full-time I find nearly 80% of
my spare time is devoted to school.  This inherently follow being that
the amount of free time I have before enrolling in school has
significantly decrease.  So if you are like me, how then can we stay
intimately connected to Christ when time is so limited?  And what
exactly is the whole intimacy with Christ?  Well I am glad you asked
the question.  Starting with the latter question, an intimate
connection with Christ is beyond attending BS, church service or
participating in missionary.  I am a big advocate of all these things;
however, an intimate relationship with Christ can exist in the absence
of all these things.  First lets likes look at the definition of
intimate, it is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that
involves physical or emotional intimacy (
wikipedia.org).  This
definition applies to human interaction.  For our interaction with
Christ it is a close interpersonal relationship that its spiritual
intimacy.   Spiritual intimacy is made up of our
interaction/communication with Christ, talking and listening to God.
We talk to God through our prayer life and we hear from God by reading
our Bibles. When I say prayer life, I am talking beyond our grace over
lunch or dinner or us mumbling a few words in bed before we go to
sleep.  For intimacy we need a prayer closet (bathroom, bedroom, large
closet) or some area in our home that we can go into and talk boldly
to God, cry out to God about the desires of our hearts, thank God for
his goodness and his mercy.  I am not sure about you but I am
passionate and extremely grateful for what God has done for me and  I
let Him know by honoring Him and giving Him praise and worship. When
we read the Bible, we should mediate on the Word not just read the
words of the page.  Perhaps we need to read the same scripture for a
week to get a true understanding of what the scripture is trying to
convey.  You may ask what is the point of all this, is it really what
serious?  And I will tell you it most certainly is.  For we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

R.E.S.P.E.C.T


R.E.S.P.E.C.T  Let Me Tell You What that Means to Me!

In 1967 Aretha Franklin felt the need to let the world know what RESPECT meant to her and now over 44 years later, I feel the need to do the same and to give examples of what disrespect looks like.   About six years ago, I dated this fine hunk of a man, 5’11 nearly 200 pound BMI of less than 7% and oh did I mention he was an NFL Player?  We had been dating for a couple of months but we had not made a formal commitment nevertheless we both had expressed interest in one another and spent a great deal of time together; so I will refer to him as my “friendboy”.  On one creepy Halloween night, my girlfriends and I decided to dress up in our costumes and go out on the town for the night. We all step out diva style! I knew my friendboy was going out but had no idea where.  In San Diego, there are a lot of places for entertainment but only two or three “hot spots”.  So to my friendboy and I surprise we ended up at the same spot.  I noticed him and he noticed me too but he did not say anything, pretending as if he did not know me.  Shortly after that, I saw him pushing up on some girl real hard. He knew that I saw him and he had absolute no shame in his game.  Refusing to silence myself to his disrespect, I walked up to him immediately and I said to him are you going to just act like we are not seeing each other?  His response was like I didn’t say anything at all.  

When I got home, I politely put all his belongings to the left of my porch and before sunrise I heard a bang at my door.  Repeatedly he said “Jill, open up, I am sorry.”  He explained that he had too much to drink and that he knew he was wrong.  This went on for nearly an hour and finally after his pleading, I accepted his apology with the understanding that his behavior was totally unacceptable and would never happen again so I opened the door.  We continued dating and had a fun and excited relationship until distance parted us.  The point of the story is that because I stopped him in his tracks when he disrespected me I never EVER had a problem with him disrespecting me again.  Imagine if I did not say anything to this dude and acted as if nothing ever happened.  I would have undoubtedly been welcoming his disrespect and the chances of him being a repeat offender would have been great.  I want to encourage all the ladies today to NEVER, EVER silence yourself to disrespect and make it known that you have a ZERO tolerance for it.  But in order to do that, you have to be very clear what disrespect looks like and what it feels like. For the guys, I want to help you understand what disrespect is to a woman.  Disrespect is when a guy does not open the door for a lady (chivalry is not dead!  Only if we allow it to be.); when a guy lies to a lady; when a guy cheats on a lady; when a guy use harsh profanity around a lady, when a guy and lady are seeing one another and that guy chooses to leave a venue with another woman (even if he says she is just a friend); when a guy makes any unwelcoming physical gesture towards a lady (be it feeling a girl in school or in the club or a guy touching his girlfriend in a way she has asked him not to or when a guy hits or push a lady); when a guy threatens a lady; when a guy disrespects any women, it is a disrespect to all women.  There are many other forms of disrespect toward a woman.  Just because I haven’t listed it here does not mean it is okay. Guys if you would not appreciate some guy doing it to your sister, mother, or daughter then it is probably disrespectful.  

In the instance I mentioned above, the disrespect was very clear.  But it is not always that clear.  Ladies, when you are being disrespected; your inner alert will go off extremely loud.  Meaning you will experience extreme discomfort and you will have the urge to say something, do something and please do just that. Men are not mind readers and don't always know when we feel disrespected or just uncomfortable. Ladies, make sure you tactfully let the guy know when something makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.  Don't make the mistake of blaming him because oftentimes it is not his fault that you feel a certain kind of way.  So before running off and playing victim be sure to give him the opportunity to make adjustments to make you feel more comfortable.  If he does that shows he really cares and all other things being considered he likely is a keeper.  And sometimes we woman may be the ones that need to make the adjustment which is okay as long as we can live with our decision comfortable (without suppressing our feelings).  

Women trust your inner feeling and let your dude know what situation make you feel some kind of way and let him know you are not comfortable with it.  Depending on the situation some guys may come back and say you are being jealous or insecure.  And guys it may be some of that but usually pointing that out doesn't help the situation but rather if you see or feel your girl is being jealous or insecure try to be sensitive to that and appreciate the fact that she cares about you and the security of the relationship and have standards for herself. Guy, adjust the situation as much as possible so both of you are comfortable with it.  Ladies if the guy continues to execute you of being jealous and insecure dismiss that notion and let him know that adjustments have to be made.  Ladies  stand up for what is right and don't compromise your feelings.  But ladies at the same time lets not be petty and give our guys a hard time about normal daily routine or actions that are necessary to move him further along especially in the professional rim.

If your guy refuses to respond to your feeling after you shared with him how you feel rebel against his  disrespect and inconsiderate nature to treat you any kind of way. I encourage you to REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! Allowing yourself to be disrespected by a guy will bring you down to a low place and you will lose a sense of yourself worth.  You are worth so much more than to lower your standards and let a man treat you however he sees fits his agenda.  Leave that dude!  A mature man will come along soon enough who respects and understand your self-worth.  He will hold you in high regards love and cherish you for it.  Guys, being in a relationship requires you to be committed to acting in the best interest of the relationship over your own desires.  Respect is a foundation along with trust that a relationship is built on and I am sure all you guys would agree you cannot be with a woman you don’t respect or who allow you to treat her any kind of way.

Again remember never, ever, ever silence yourself to disrespect, be tactfully and offer solutions that will be comfortable for the both of you.  As for me, I did not tolerant disrespect in 2004 with that NFL Star and I was a broke, jobless recent graduate. But that did not matter because my self-worth was much more than what money could buy.  So in 2011 as independent minded and financial secure woman, I definitely will not tolerant it from any guy and you shouldn’t either (PERIOD DOT)!!!!!

Jill Bulluck
Detour Movement Inc.

P.S. I would love for you to be part of our community of sisters where we pray, support, encourage and inspire one another. Sign-up for our free gift, an MP3 Download entitled "Making the Right Choice". 

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

How to Connect with a Man?

Have you ever seen a guy or girl across the room and thought, man he or she is fine or one good looking brotha or sista that you wouldn’t mind getting to know better?  As you glanced over to get a second look, you caught him or her looking at you too.  You are attracted to him and he is attracted to you and just that quickly you’ve made a physical connection. I have experienced this on a number of occasions.  One specific incident, me and this fine brotha had an extremely strong physical connection, however, he did not have a for real relationship with God, you know, he was a “title Christian”.  Unfortunately, during our dating time, we were on
two different wavelengths and his connection with God never grew which hinder our spiritual connection. With such high level of physical connection coupled with a small touch of mental and emotional connection, we both were curious to explore our sexual compatibility, leaving the spiritual connection at the front door.   Shortly thereafter, the relationship dissolved and for the life of me I could not figure out why. Overtime I identified the missing pieces or should I say the missing connections that contributed to the relationship extinction. This along with many other life scenarios, exposures and formal education on human behavior and relationships has help me understand in order to establish a healthy, long lasting relationship involves a complete connection on five different levels.
Level 1: Physical Connection 
This is the first level of connection we experience with someone of the opposite sex.  This is characterized by having a strong physical attraction for that person.  It can be driven by that person’s smile or lips, cute face, slim waist, biceps, triceps, thighs or their eyes.  Sometimes this connection or, as some would like to call it, this “chemistry” is so strong that it can lead to premature sex, often decreasing the likelihood of developing a deeper connection. Although physical attraction is the first level of building an intimate relationship, the lack of it can lead to the end of one as well. Because many people know the importance of a physical connection, it drives millions of men faithfully to the gym and has tons of women on diets or starvation fasts to improve their physique (among other motivations).  As significant as it is; physical attraction is merely the tip of the iceberg in establishing a complete connection with a mate.

Level 2: Spiritual Connection
Spiritual connection is the second level of connection we should experience with someone, however, oftentimes in a world where people’s willingness to conform to the standards of others for acceptability, our spiritual values sometimes is left at the front door.  This level of connection is characterized by having the same fundamental beliefs about God and our Savior with a potential partner; thus, setting the stage for common ground with our morals and values which are expressed through words and behavior.

Level 3: Mental Connection  
Mental connection is where two individuals’ maturity level and their compatibility meets.  An individual life experiences and environment will mold their behavior in any given circumstance.  The more life experiences and exposure two individuals have in common, increases the level of compatibility.  This commonality or differences can either flourish or diminish the possibility of a healthy relationship.  Having a mental connection is rooted from an appreciation of an open exchange of ideas, beliefs and values.  A positive exchange in this area can lead to a meeting of the minds that fosters an element of respect for one another.  This connection aside from spirituality is the core element that sustains a relationship.
Level 4: Emotional Connection:
The actual experiences two people share is derived from the individual’s mental and emotional maturity which drives their behavior.   Continual positive experiences can result in two individuals arousing strong feelings for one another.   This is where we start to sincerely care for one another and we become more vulnerable to having feelings of anger, happiness, joy, love or pain throughout the course of the relationship.  At this point, we begin to increase our level of sensitivity for one another’s feelings and desires.  Because of the close sequential order of emotional and sexual connection the two are often confused.
Level 5: Sexual Connection
A sexual connection is characterized by physical intimacy of sexual intercourse where mutual pleasures are experienced.  Although sexual connection listed as the fifth and final level, it actually starts from the physical connection and builds during the other levels of connection and is expressed through sexual encounters. Sexual connection should be the last level of connection because this is where a relationship is consummated (meaning sexual intercourse takes place) or, should I say, where a marriage is consummated. With premarital sex being the norm, many relationships are consummated without any thoughts or regards to marriage.  Over time, society has deluded the opinion of how sex impacts an individual.   Whether or not one admits or recognizes it, this connection bonds the mind, body, soul and spirit in a way that is nearly impossible to reverse. Over time the lack of reverence, appreciation and respect for the sanctity of consummation has caused the ultimate connection one can have with a mate during a sexual experience to be diminished.
Unfortunately many relationships today go straight from physical connection to a sexual connection skipping everything in between or not allowing sufficient time for these levels of connections to fully develop.  In order to establish a complete connection, the traditional courtship experience has to take place to allow time and opportunity to develop various experiences with one another and time for individuals to evaluate one another.  So rather than checking our spiritual values at the door, as we sometimes do, we should check our lustful desires at the door and curiosity that arise from a strong physical connection and patiently wait to experience the various states of connections and experience the ultimate sexual connection during marriage.
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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Making the Right Choice!

Have you ever seen an attractive brother across the room and to your surprise he came up to you and expressed his interest in you or you positioned yourselves to be seen by this fine hunk of a man, you exchange information, start spending some time getting to know him, talking on the phone, going out and perhaps even entering into a relationship; only to discover 3, 6, 9, or 12 months down the road that that lovely glitter definitely wasn't gold?  Perhaps for you it wasn’t the looks, but rather his 745i, the jersey with his name on the back or his profitable business.  

 I definitely have experienced making the wrong choice from several of these fronts.  What happened and why didn't we noticed his jerk characteristics before we got in a relationship with him or had sex with him?  How come we could not tell that he really wasn't into our mind and our insider beauty but rather just infatuated with our outer appearance.

As flattering as it may be, a guy, or lady for that matter, who is overly concern with the physical appearance often hasn't realized how to build attraction beyond the physical aspect which is a very dangerous and an immature approach to relationships.  I have done this more times than I care to admit.

I dated this fine brother and the basis for my decision was that he was fine and all the single ladies, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES wanted him and he wanted me.   So I jumped in head first, just to find out that I did not make the right choice.  Even worst after realizing I had made a bad choice within a few months of being in the relationship, I stayed in that relationship for FOUR years!  Talk about a waste of time!

As I look back, I realized that I didn't have any true standards to make the right choice about a boyfriend or should I say a potential mate.  In order for us to make the right choice, we must develop some standards about the kind of guys we will allow to occupy our time and attention.  Life is too short and it is no need to waste it with some Bozo.

Some people base their standard on the physical appearance; however, that gives you no indication about how that guy will treat you or conduct himself in a relationship.  To go on a deeper level, let’s look at his morals, values, beliefs, family background and how he is currently managing relationships in his life.  Let’s take a look of some of the standards I have developed for myself.  The first standard is the most important one and if you don't get the first one, none of the others really matter. So make sure you capture this.

1) The most essential standard for every Christian woman, a must have and absolutely cannot waiver is that he is a Christian.  And we are not talking about a title Christian here.  I am talking about a genuine Christian.  Does he pray? Does he read his Bible, EVER?  Does he attend church regularly?  Do the things he do and the things he say exemplify the God in him?  Can he lead you spiritually? Or at least on the same page you are spiritually with a desire for a deeper relationship with God?  This standard setup the foundation for all the other standards.

2.) The second standard I have is a guy that is not easily angered.  Pay attention how he interacts with other people.  Do the smallest things get him pissed off, like someone running late or a car cutting him off in traffic?  As small as this may sound, this may be a RED Flag or should I say a STOP SIGN.

3.) A guy that is not self-centered.  Does he spend most of the time talking about himself and getting his self fly?  Is your interests and preference not a priority for him?

4.) Does he have self control?  Does he always feel the need to be touching you or inquiring about being physical with you?  A man worth having is going to be able to control his desire for sex or other things and not try to persuade you to give up the goodie or even a kiss for that matter.  When you say no or let him know you are not with it, he respects it.

5.) Emotionally stable.  This is directly tied to self-control.  How does he handle situations when things do not go quite right?  How did he handled breakups in the past, sudden loses, or tragic events?  Is he always hot or cold? Does he demonstrate other extreme behaviors?

6.) Respectful. How does he talk to you?  Is it in an even tone or harsh or abrupt?  Does he use profanity around you? Or talk about your body or other women bodies in a sexual or derogatory way?  Does he respect your time? When he says he will be there at 8, does he show up 5 minutes before or a half an hour later?  Does he give your mother and other relatives his best?  Or is he nonchalant about how your family perceives him?

7.) The Company He keeps.  It is said we are most like our top five friends.  Who are his friends?  Are they Christians?  How are their attitudes and behavior patterns?   Do they have their stuff together or still living with mama or in that studio in the hood?  A man’s circle of friends is a good indication of who he is.

8.) Man of Character.  Is he honest or truthful?  Does he have integrity or is he the type of person that will do anything for money or to save it? Like lie on his taxes, marry solely for financial benefits, or deceive others?

9.) Age Limit.  If you are 19 years old, God's best for you is not going to be 30, if you are 25, Gods best for you won't be 40 years old or if you are 65 years old, God's best for you won't be 40 years old.  I've dated guys way outside of my age frame and the leading reason behind my decision was just being willing to take in the next decent guy that wanting me or took interest in me. And not being selective about who I let in my circle.  I suggest a one to five year age limit.  For my younger ladies, younger than 18 years old would be the one year age limit range, 19-24 years old the two to three year age limit and over 25 years old up to the five year limit. I have found with large age gaps some an equally as large gap in life experiences and maturity.    Of course there are exemptions to every rule but ask yourself why am I interested in grandpa?  LOL

10.) Status. God wants us to be equally yoke.  We are not just talking about having the same spiritual talk but also have similar life experiences, family background, relatively the same age group, similar level of mature emotionally, spiritually and similar status in life.  Can he pull his weigh financially in a relationship? If he is not doing it on his own, he won't be able to do it with you.  If you have your graduate degree it is nothing wrong with expecting your mate to value education by having his bachelors.  Again not necessarily required.  The thing here is to shy away from dating a guy who barely has a high school education and you are in the PH.D program.  Please feel free to borrow any or all of my standards or develop your own but I think all these standards are vital to establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship between two whole people.  I would say the first eight should definitely be a deal breaker.  The other two please tread lightly.  God bless you.  Until next time this is Jill signing off.

Credits: Title "Making the Right Choice" Inspired by Jeffrey A. Johnson of Eastern Star Church of Indianapolis, Indiana.

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A4J Launched! Welcome!

Hello Ladies! As I mentioned, I am going public and coming out of the closet! I've made a decision to present my body as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God. This means I am abstaining from all forms of sexual immortality and I encourage you to do the same. I am the founder and promoter of A4J. Which simply stands for Abstaining 4 Jesus! For the Word says "Now the body is not for sexual immo
rality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body...he who joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" I Corinthians 6:13-18 I know abstaining from anything you are use to is hard. And I only know this because I struggle with abstinence myself. The Devil has won some battles over me, but I have claimed the victory and he will not win the war! I am pressing beyond the mark of the most high calling, living out the vision and purpose God has for my life which is in part to join with you, my sister, to inspire for greatness.

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