Monday, December 30, 2013

TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE! Part I

Time is one of the greatest commodities, something we can NEVER get back once it is gone, so use it wisely! ~Treal


People often ask me how I am so good at balancing my life – my priorities, my family, extracurricular activities, my businesses etc.  I would be telling a big FAT lie if I said that it was a natural born talent and it was just easy as 1-2-3. Although, I have always possessed some qualities as it relates to effective time management; there were still things that I needed to implement and stick to  in order to maximize my ability to manage my time more effectively and more wisely.  

Stress and anxiety has never been my friend and one thing that I found out early on in life and in my career is that when I was placed under pressure; I begin to feel stressed and a level of anxiety would hit me which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Contrary to some; they work best under pressure, but that is not the case with me.  I am overwhelmed, overworked and stressed out under pressure and 9 times out of 10; I do not provide a quality product, but I got the job done.
 
“Don’t allow time to escape you, use the time allowed and use it wisely!”~Treal

When I do not use my time effectively and I am pressured to finish something; I feel like I have lost control over whatever task or situation I am dealing with at the time.  Many of us can relate to feeling like we have lost control over something. It makes us feel that thing or task has conquered us and in many cases it makes us feel like failures.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t like feeling out of control, and I certainly don’t like feeling like a failure.

How Do I Manage?
Early on in my career/life; I came up with a strategy that would help me stay in control, stay on track and obtain the results that I desired.  This strategy was birthed during my professional career and was used strictly for that purpose however; it can easily be implemented and effective in your personal life as well (personal task, children/family, school work etc.)  

When I first began my career in the Human Resources field, I had the best supervisor ever.  Her time management skills, worth ethic, professionalism and her ability to communicate with others were impeccable.    She was the Vice President of Human Resources and her job demanded a great deal from her.  In addition, she directly supervised employees, was in control over all of the Human Resources disciplines/functions, and she was also over many other departments within the organization and she managed extremely well.  I was quite impressed and in awe of her!

Throughout my career working under her; I made a personal/professional decision that I would model after my supervisor and adopted her as my professional mentor. I watched how she operated on a day to day basis.  She would have projects/tasks on top of projects/task and always executed a quality product within the time allowed (deadlines).   In addition to her work life, she took care of her elderly mom and spent a great amount of time with her immediate family. She would host functions at her house and would cook delicious meals and often brought extras to work.  I wondered how in the world she was able to manage it all and stay mentality and emotionally sound.  To me she never allowed anything to get the best of her, but she did give her absolute best and if that wasn’t good enough; she didn’t stress about it.  We would often have talks and she would give me little tips of how I could be better as a person and a women working in Corporate America. You better believe that I never took her advice for granted.  


Every hour of our work day was used effectively.  When I got into work; I had a project or task waiting for me with a sticky note of when it was to be complete (reasonable deadline). The more I learned and the more efficient I became; the more she delegated other task to me; even those outside of my normal scope of work.  I learned a trick from her in completing the most important task first and then prioritizing all of the others.  At the beginning of her work day; she would have all of her projects/tasks that she was to complete that day.  She would then create a High, Medium or Low priority stack and began to place the projects/tasks into the assigned stack.  After that, she would begin working on each assignment according to priority and would work her way down. Once she finished a task/project; she checked it off of her task list as Complete!

~Treal

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Saturday, December 28, 2013

Make God a Priority in 2014, Not an After Thought!



Make God a Priority in 2014, Not an After Thought!
Women of the Bible Study 52-Week Study


So over the last month, God has been pressing on my heart to lead a 52-week, focus study on the Women of the Bible based off the book written by Ann Spangler and Jean E. Syswerda.  Although I am truly yearning to deepen my understanding and knowledge of God’s word, I do have some level of anxiety about making such a long commitment not so much to myself but to God and to all of you who will join us on this journey.   No matter how much anxiety and fear I have, I know when God speak to my heart, I have to listen.  I have spent enough of my life ignoring God and doing what is easy and convenient.  Now I am in a season of obedience, a season of being a slave to Christ and what He called me to do. 

One thing for certain, when I obey the voice of God, life has so much more meaning and purpose and the weight on my shoulder drastically reduces because I lean and depend on God to carry my burdens rather than my own understanding and limitations.  So as we prepare to start our 52-week focus study, we invite you to join on this journey.  We will start tomorrow Sunday, December 29, 2013 and Saturday, end December 27 2014. To join this challenge go jillandtreal.com to left of this page and input your email, name, phone etc and you will receive an email within 24 hours with all the details.

Okay, are you still uncertain about whether or not you should join?  Here are some questions you should consider.

Are you struggling with hearing from God and whether He called you to participate in this focus study challenge? The easiest way to hear the voice of God is this, things that align with the Word of God is from God, things that does not align with the Word of God is not from God.  God speaks through His written Word and through His people.

Are you too afraid about making such a long commitment?  Consider your relationship with God.  Do you say “God is everything to me and I love the Lord”. I have a relationship with God, blah, blah, blah.  But let’s be honest.  How much time do you spend with God each day?  Do you think you can have a relationship with anyone without communicating with them regularly?  Can you really be obedient to God if you don’t know exactly what His’s Word says? Can you, will you, sacrifice 10 to 15 minutes each day for the next year to grow closer to Him? I thought so, go ahead and add your name, email, etc.to the left of this page under 52-Weeks of Women in the Bible so you can begin this AMAZING journey!

This 52 week devotion is for you if:

You desire to have a closer relationship with God.

If you struggle to find time to read God’s Word Daily

If you feel that things are often difficult and confusing and not sure where to turn

If you struggle with fear and anxiety about the things of life, relationships outcomes, work, your safety, your healthy, your children etc.

If you want to be part of a community of sisterhood with Godly, loving and compassionate women!  Then this is for you!

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Lies versus Truths of the Benefits of a Husband

On Walk in Your Fabulosity Friday, Treal posted a video about three things women often struggle with in their life and in their relationships. So many of us believe the lies that if we had a husband these problems would melt away.  Well if you are single or have single girlfriends, you want to be sure to check out this video on the 3 Big NO's or mistake for wanting to a husband to make sure you avoid every single one of them!








Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel!  Claim your free CD, "The 8 Biggest Mistakes Women Make that Blocks our Flow of Fabuolosity!"  http://detourmovement.blogspot.com/p/fabulous-i-am.html  You will not only receive our weekly updates for Fabulosity Newsflash but you will become part of our community of sisterhood of Godly, loving and compassionate women!  We love you sis but God loves you more! Until next be blessed. 

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Monday, December 16, 2013

Is He the One?

This video covers one of our hot topics, dating!  Our girl, Nikki is trying to figure out if he is the one and she asked us to help a sister out.  We share with Nikki and all of you three easy steps to assess if he is the one!

 Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel and Claim your free CD, "The 8 Biggest Mistakes Women Make that Blocks our Flow of Fabuolosity!" at  http://detourmovement.blogspot.com/p/fabulous-i-am.html  You will not only receive our weekly updates for Fabulosity Newsflash but you will become part of our community of sisterhood of Godly, loving and compassionate women!  We love you sis but God loves you more! Until next be blessed.

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Friday, November 29, 2013

TEN REASONS Why A Man Would Wife You!


We wanted to provide the TEN REASONS “Why A Man Would Wife You” based on the Monthly LIVE DISCUSSION we did for the month of November.  We decided to talk about this subject in particular because many women desire to be married and have found them settling just to get a ring.   Below are  “TEN REASONS”  we came up with as to why a man would make you his wife.  If you or someone you know can relate to this; then this is for you.  Please be sure to share these reasons with the women in your circle who can relate!

1     1.  Your attitude:  Are you happy and bubbly or bitter?  Bitter looks like complaining, comparing, and competing…  Choose to have a positive attitude even in the midst of a challenge or adversity!

2.  Your values: What do you stand for? What do you believe in?  Does anything go in any setting?  Are you a certain way in front of one group of people and then another way in front of another group of people?  Keep your values in being who you say you are in private and in public.

3.  Your confidence:  Do you like yourself?  Confidence refers to your physical appearance and more importantly your self-esteem.  Are you able to be yourself or do you hold back in fear that if he finds out who you really are, he won’t like you?  Most people prefer authenticity! If you are not comfortable with who you are then start working on how you would like to show up in the world. Write out your ideal self.  What type of things would you be doing, what type of things would you be saying or not saying and start being and doing what your ideal self would do.

4.  Your ability to control your emotions – Stop becoming emotionally hi-jacked (extremely emotional) over every little thing.  Practice being in control of your emotions regardless of your environment.  Don’t let any and everything get you in a place of discontentment or feeling discombobulated.

5.  Your ability to respect and honor him – this goes in a private and public setting.  Don’t challenge or rebut against him because you are right or you think you are right.  Don’t question or challenge his ability to be a man and make decisions.  This is an extreme turn off for a man and he will end a relationship on this alone.

6.  Your communication -what does your conversation sound like?  Do you ask questions to get to know who he really is or are you interested in how much money he makes and what he can do for you?   
Side Note:  Guys cannot stand when a women talks about work all the time or about things that are not going right in her life (negative/pessimistic talk).  Guys are not controversial; they hate drama and negativity especially from the women they are dating or married to.  Also; guys despise women with a gossiping tongue- so don’t do it!

7.  Jealous and insecurity are two of the greatest attraction killers.  If this is something you struggle with; ask God to help you overcome the spirit of jealousy and insecurity.  Oftentimes due to past relationships or life circumstances; women struggle in this area.  When you have an inability to trust your mate that greatly affects the relationship as a whole. 
Side Note:  In order to be secure and satisfied in a relationship; you first have to be secure and satisfied in your singleness.

8.  Your ability to spend time apart from him without having an anxiety attack.  It is ok to have “me” time or girl time away from your mate.  Everything you do does not have to revolve around him.

9.  Have a fulfilled life outside of the relationship.  A man wants to know that you can stand on your own two feet without him having to hold you up ALL the time.  Get a life and healthy hobbies outside of him.

10.  Your Money Management.  Are you a wasteful spender? Do you spend money you don’t have in order to keep up with the latest and greatest?  Believe it or not; even if a man does not do well in this area, he does not want a women who is wasteful in her spending.  This shows that she lacks discipline and self-control in the areas of spending and it normally holds true to other areas of her life.  Financial management says not only will you have plenty stored up for a rainy day, but you will not exhaust your income for the sake of status or because you spend on impulse. Being able to effectively manage your finances is one of the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 Women!

Stay Fabulous & Phenomenal,

Jill Bulluck






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Monday, November 18, 2013

The Champion Within!!! Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This is Treal from Detour Movement and I wanted to share a story with you about something that occurred in my life this past week.  I will entitle this "The Champion Within"  As many of you know, I have a 16 year old son who I absolutely adore (to the left is a picture of him when he was about 10months old).

Well, my son has been heavily involved in basketball since middle school.  He is extremely passionate about the game and is a diligent and consistent player.  So much so until he practices outside of regular practice 3-5 days a week for a minimum of 3-4 hours at a time.  He keeps a basketball in the trunk of my car, so every time we are somewhere for an extended period of time; he gets the ball out of the trunk and practice dripping, air balls, ball handling etc.  So as you can see; he is very serious about improving his skills and the game.

Well, it was a shocker when we found out that he was cut from the varsity basketball team with his local High School.  I immediately reacted with questioning the reasons why and how in knowing how hard he has worked over the years and of how great of a player he has become.  Of course he was sad, disappointed and a bit confused as he thought for sure that after being cut from the final cuts last season and playing summer ball with the school that he was sure to make the team.  After going through my series of questions and feeling deeply discouraged; I re-positioned my thoughts, my feelings and my speech and was able to verbalize beyond my emotions in telling my son that God has something Greater in store for him. 

I begin to encourage him to continue to trust in God, have faith and work hard in improving his skills and abilities as other doors will soon open for him.  I even used Michael Jordan’s story as an example to encourage him that although he was cut from this team and this season to not lose hope.  My son was comforted in the process and gained the strength, encouragement and fortitude to reach down and find his "Champion Within".....


You know many times we view adversity, bad news or a door closing as something bad, but that isn't always the case.  God may delay certain things in our life or outright deny them, but instead of looking at it as if we have missed out; we can look at it as if God is preparing us for something Greater.  A missed opportunity in this case allows other and much better opportunities to present themselves in God's time.  

I would like to leave with you Three Tips on how to find your "Champion Within" in the midst of Rejection & Adversity:

·  Rejection in some cases can mean that God is Protecting us from something!   We never know what God has planned for our lives. In the story above; what if God has other plans for my son whereas he needs him to stay focused and basketball during this season would be a distraction. 

· See the Good in a situation that looks all bad!  We can only see what is in front of us.  Allow God to open your spiritual eyes to see what he sees regarding your life and future.

· Be encouraged that God will not disappoint you!  God knows your heart and desires.  He understands that you have a plan for your life.  Trust God enough to know that his plan is 100% guaranteed to work.

I challenge you on today to reach deep down and find the Champion Within!

~Treal

(throwback picture from 10/2008)

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Sunday, November 3, 2013

When God Says No! How to Bounce Back From Disappointment



This year, I lost one of the most influential women in my life!  This woman was not my birth mother but she cared for me and my success like any mother would.  She went out of her way to make sure my educational needs were met and that every Christmas my sisters and I did not lack for anything, providing us the latest Nintendo, Sega Genesis  or The Game Show!  This lady prayed earnestly for my mother when my mother almost lost her life!  The woman I am talking about is my Aunt Morteil Williams, my mother’s baby sister.
About a year ago we learned she had Leukemia.  Everyone was devastated!  Aunt Morteil! Cancer? See, our family had been very fortunate because cancer had been a true rarity in our family and living beyond 90 years old had become the norm.

At the diagnosis, everything seemed fine.  She took oral Chemotherapy and she still taught everyday in the inner city schools in Southeast DC (one of the toughest districts & school systems in America,  located in Washington DC)

In November 2012, she was omitted to the hospital.  I went to see her at George Washington Hospital (the same place my mom studied as a nurse in college over 50 years ago).  My aunt's health had taken a turn for the worst and she was losing her battle against cancer.  The doctors gave her weeks to live.  She was released from the hospital.  I stayed with her to help administer her medicine.  Her health kept declining.  We decided to take her to John Hopkins Hospital, one of the nation's leaders in cancer research and treatment.

At that point, I didn’t think my Aunt would make it another week. My aunt told the nurses and doctors to do whatever they can, understanding that aggressive Chemo at her age came with a health risk.  The goal was to get the cancer in remission.   

After a few rounds of Chemo, she started looking better and feeling better but the doctors said that the cancer was out of control and our goal of remission was not obtained.  Soon my aunt was released from the hospital in within a few months she was on hospice care.

We had been praying all the time for my aunt’s healing.  During our March 21 Day Fast & Consecration we prayed for her nearly every day and she would call from her hospital bed to join the call.

I prayed publicly and privately, I fasted and I had other people pray for her.  At one point, my mom started saying, Aunt Mortiel was going to die. But I did not want to accept that, I could not accept.  How can aunt Mortiel die?  She is only 71 years old.  Her mom from the Young’s family line is still living and she is over 90 years old. Aunt Mortiel helped and encouraged everybody, she had a big heart, NO IT CAN’T BE!  The young’s don’t die young.  The Young’s don’t give up on God.  The Young’s keep the faith.  

At some point, I even got on my mom for giving up on God and having a lack of faith but she hadn’t given up on God nor did she lack faith.  She just understood and had accepted that God had said NO!

Well, on May 16th 2013, my mom called me at 5:30AM to report that Aunt Mortiel had went to be with her Heavely father.  

I had just ended a 36 hours fast for Aunt Mortiel’s healing and I was thinking, how could God disappoint me like this?

After all that praying, fasting, reciting healing scriptures about the woman with the issue of blood, God making the blind see, etc and Aunt Mortiel died? I truly felt like God had let me down and I was not sure where to turn.  I talked to my aunt Elanora and she told me God had said no.  But ensured me that Aunt Mortiel had accepted God’s will and was at peace with leaving this Earth. Aunt Elanora said, we just have to let God’s will be done and continue to pray for strength to get through it.

I don’t think I am the only one who has felt disappointed by God.  So if you or anyone you know has been told NO by God.  I encourage you to read the below tips and SHARE this blog.

Here are three tips to how you can manage your emotions and maintain trust in God, when he says NO!

1.) Understand God’s perfect plan for your life “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to me, I will listen to you” Jeremiah 29:11

2.) Pray for acceptance of God’s will even if it is not your will.  When God gave the first instructions for prayer, it was the “All Father Prayer” within that prayer God taught us to prayer “Let your WILL be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven”.  Many of us have recited this prayer thousands of time over ago.  But do we belief it? Do we live it?  Do we let the WILL of God reign in our lives or do we run with our own agenda and push God’s will to the side.  

See, prayer cannot change what God has destined to happen.  When we pray, we should not pray for this or not, but we should make our request known to God and then pray that God gives us the strength to handle whatever is within his WILL. See, what we pray for may not be the will of God.


If it is not the will of God, our prayer cannot change that.  But it can help us to get through whatever situation, or circumstance that comes our way.


3.) Understand it may not be "NO", maybe it is "not right now"! Pray for patience. Remember “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,  let your REQUEST be known to God! and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7  Also check out Charles Stanley's five minute video on “How can I wait patiently on the Lord?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuEFdtIv4lo  
Also T.D. Jakes shares in a sermon more wisdom about how to respond when God’s says no! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULFVD-PI6Yg

Be sure to leave a comment! And to subscribe to our blog!

Love Your Sis!

Jill

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Monday, October 7, 2013

Moving from Unsatisfying Relationships to Healthy Dating Relationship

In this video, I dispelled the three secrets that moved me from unsatisfying, dramatized relationships to a fulfilling dating relationship that led to marriage.  This is #whateverysinglewomanneedstoknow


Also checkout the Cassie Brown Project at http://thecassiebrownproject.com/

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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

~Fear-less~ "Starve your fears and Feed your Faith"



There are many things in life that causes us to experience or feel some type of fear.  We fear our past, our future, our relationships, starting our own business, welcoming new opportunities and other challenges in life.  When things go wrong instead of right; we fear.  When unexpected things occur in our life; we fear not being able to move past it.  When we are asked to do something outside of our comfort zone; we fear doing so. Why is it that we become so afraid when most of the time; the thing we are afraid of or am fearful of is something we can possibly benefit from?   

Oftentimes that thing is the very thing that we need to excel in our family; on our job; in our businesses; in our communities or in our church. Is it because we are used to the norm; being comfortable or complacent with our life and anything outside of that causes us to experience emotions and feelings that we cannot  articulate? 

Do we fear that we are inadequate of carrying out the thing that we were tasked with or that dream/desire that is burning inside of us is too much for us to handle? 

Newsflash:  Fear is defined as “False Evidence Appearing Real.”  It is a feeling or emotion that is used as a tactic to prevent us from welcoming a new challenge, conquering an obstacle or facing adversity head on.  It is the thing that paralyzes us from saying Yes to our dreams, Yes to our desires or even our goals.  It is the thing that oftentime keeps us in bondage from reaching our destiny if we allow it to do so

I remember a time when I struggled with fear and even now at times; fear tries to overcome my thoughts.  I feared that I was not adequate enough; smart enough or equipped enough to do what God had placed in my heart and spirit to do.  I looked at others who were in similar capacities and felt surely; I was not qualified to minister; to speak to hundreds or even thousands of people about my life let alone their life.  I feared that there was always someone that could do it better than me and I would only be viewed as second best or not viewed at all.  I didn’t understand and even grasp the fact that God had called me to do certain things; NOT people.

I didn’t know at the time that regardless of what education I had or didn’t have; experience I didn’t have or any other credentials or skills others possessed; it had nothing to do with what God called me to do I didn’t know at the time that because God called me; He would equip me and that He would give me the platform to do what He called me to do.

I looked all around me and noticed that people that were less educated, less skilled, less experience were superseding me in certain areas.  I soon came up with the conclusion that if someone is doing it or have done it; then certainly it is doable. 

I realized that I was just as qualified; just as smart and just as experienced as anyone else if not more and that my biggest hindrance was the fear that I allowed to block my flow (my life, my hopes, my dreams). 
So with that being said; I made a conscious decision to Starve my Fear and Feed my Faith by using the Word of God.  I was no longer going to allow fear to control me or cause me to worry – it was no longer going to hold me captive or in bondage.  I chose Faith!!!

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Regardless of how fearful I felt; I would say “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13”.  I choose to believe that because He strengthens me, He equips me and as long as I stay in His will and trust Him with all of my heart; He will lead and guide me.  I used the word of God as my tool to overcome fearI would encourage myself when I felt feelings of inadequacies, doubt or unbelief .

I refused to continue going through the woulda, shoulda, coulda periods in life.  I didn’t want to have feelings of regret later on because I feared the unknown.  I choose to face challenges head on and stopped running from my Greatness and embraced who I was and who I was not.  I accepted the fact that I wasn’t perfect but that I was constantly improving. 

I accepted the fact that I didn’t have it all together but neither was everything falling apart.  God called each and every one of us to be Great, Bold, Radical & Phenomenal women in all areas of our life. I challenge you today to Starve everyone of your Fears; and Feed your Faith through the Word of God.


·         Do NOT fear anything -  (Psalm 23:4)
·         God will help you through your fears - (Isaiah 41:13)
·         Be Strong and Courageous – (Deut 31:6)
·         God has NOT given you the spirit of fear - (2 Tim1:7)
·         Do NOT be afraid of anything - (Psalm 27:1)
·         God says he will give you peace - (John 14:27)


~Treal


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Sunday, September 8, 2013

Relationship Drama: How to Resolve Relationship Conflict?

In the beginning he let it be known, that he had not been in a relationship for several years; however, I did not realize it would cause so many problems! Two weeks later he introduced me to his uncle as his girlfriend (GF) and things were ok…

[Then] “the other night my sister and I went with him to support him at his pool tournament. My sister wasn't feeling so well so he offered to drive us home... He told the bar owner he'd be right back after he dropped us off- the bar owner told him to tell us to walk!!!... He didn't even catch offense to it or defend me as his GF in anyway…

And of course once again I let him know how I felt about it. I do tend to get very upset because some things should be common sense relationship wise”… 

I never even felt like his girlfriend… He didn't ask me anything about myself and rarely did we have conversations (he says it's because he's shy) Is it just that he lacks relationship skills? If so, I don't know what to do about that... And I don't know if I should try to start over... 

He says his feelings haven't changed and he's not saying he doesn't wanna be with me… He just doesn't wanna rush. Any advice? 

This is an edited excerpt from one of our followers asking about how to resolve a relationship conflict or otherwise how to proceed in an unfulfilling relationship.

So when was the last time you had a conflict in your relationship? During that conflict or any other conflict, did you allow your emotions to get the best of you, resulting in you responding negatively, loud and/or boisterously? 

Well, I know I have. And it is all because I allowed myself to become emotional hijacked aka emotions out of control, where doing the irrational, seems very rational in that moment (Daniel Goleman). Funny thing the end result never served me nor the relationship any good. Actually I got dump a couple of times as it result of it… 

Do you or your partner lack relationship skills, meaning not knowing how to communicate, knowing how to control your emotions, knowing when to confront a situation or when to let it go. We have to pick our battles.  

Every issue, gestures or the lack thereof is not always worth fighting over. Find out your core (most important) values in a relationship and identify the things that are less important. This will help you know whether it is worth even mentioning. 

Do not get me wrong I am NOT discouraging conflict because conflict is NECESSARY! 

Don’t believe me? Read our blogs, R.E.S.P.E.C.T  <http://detourmovement.blogspot.com/2012/07/healthy-conflict.html> or our blog on and Healthy Conflict. <http://detourmovement.blogspot.com/2011/10/r.html> Conflict is not the problem, it is how we handle the conflict, what we say and more importantly how we say. 

Here is our advice aka Wisdom Tips on how to resolve this relationship conflict (can be applied to similar scenarios):  

Wisdom Tip #1...Men do not like drama. If we lose our cool, express anger or bitterness, men natural response is to create space (distance themselves or break-off the relationship) so they can regroup and determine if you both are truly a good fit. I under your frustration with him not taking a stand for you. And you did the right thing by confronting him about the situation (expressing your expectations),

However, your approach must have been off putting to him which resulted in him pulling away from the relationship. Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Meaning a bitter, anger woman, nagging woman.  

Wisdom Tip #2 A woman's greatest need is security, meaning as women we have to feel protected, guarded or safe, physically and financially. When you were out with your ex-bf and he did not take a stand for you, you felt like you could not trust him to protect you which caused you to feel frustrated and lack of trust for him.  

Wisdom Tip #3 When you confront someone about something you don't like, make sure you do not blame him/her or accuse him/her of not "doing their job". Simply express how you felt and what they did or did not do, resulted in you feeling a certain kind of way. For example you could have said, "Shawn, when we were at the bar and the bartender suggested you let me and my sister walk home, I felt that the bartender was indirectly trying to attack me or suggesting I was not a woman worthy of a ride home and when you did not say anything about it, it made ME feel like you might feel the same way."

"Shawn if this ever happens again could you step in and speak up to let that person know they are disrespecting me and our relationship? I hate having those negative feelings and I know you really care about me but if you say something, I think it would help me not feel unworthy and remind me how much I really mean to you."  

Wisdom Tip #4 Before getting back into that relationship or any other relationship, learn to bring your emotional under God’s control. You will never have a healthy relationship unless you learn how to control your feelings and emotions.  

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ATTRACT! AND IF YOU ARE SHORT TEMPERED OR A WOMAN WITH EMOTIONS OUT OF CONTROL, YOU WILL ATTRACT A GUY OF THE SAME CHARACTER AND TRUST AND BELIEVE, YOU AIN’T GOT TIME FOR THAT!  

Start exemplifying the characteristics of how you want your man to be in your own life first. And I can only share this with you because I’ve experienced this myself. I am going to give you the formula to overcome your emotions out of control syndrome.  

Me telling you this and you listening is worth a few bucks, you implementing these teaching in your life are priceless.  


Wisdom Tip #5 Pray daily and ask God to help you be spiritually lead and not emotionally driven. Ask God to give you peace and joy in your heart. Ask God to teach you how to communicate with a loving heart.  Pray for the Fruit of the spirit to be evident in your life (love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.)

Wisdom Tip #6 Fast (abstain from food) at least a half a day every week. Why? This helps you to learn self-control. The best way to control your emotions, is to control them! ;-) (Join Treal on her upcoming day Cleansing starting September 15th, email us abstaining4jesus@gmail.com to learn more.)  

Wisdom Tip #8 Read Are you Spirit Led or Emotionally Driven by Maureen Anderson and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (note the latter is not an easy read, lots of medical talk at the beginning). Or you can check-out the reader’s digest of relationship management with our Six Part Tele-seminar at <http://detourmovement.blogspot.com/p/love-like-crazy-six-part-series.html>

Wisdom Tip #9 Write down ten things you want in a man and then right down how you can exemplify these characteristics in your life. Read these confessions every day for at least the next 90 days and start implementing these things in your life. If you need help coming up with ten characteristics of a good man, email us and I will send you the MP3 link with some juicy tips!  

Wisdom Tip #10 If a guy is lacking relationships skills, it is not a whole lot you can do about it beside help him identify a male mentor to help him in that department. Too often as women, we take on a man, like we took on projects in our 8th grade home-economics class. This is not 8th grade and he is no project! Let a man teach a man, how to be a man. Not your job!  

Wisdom Tip #11 Resolving the conflict does not always mean rekindling the relationship or staying together. Sometime taking a break AKA ending the relationship, temporarily or forever is in the best interest of the both of you. Learn more about taking a break by checking out our YouTube video "What Does Taking a Break Really Means? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRl9ujQrieQ

Finally Wisdom Tip #12, Don’t pour the wine before it is time. Okay, you are asking what does that mean? That means don’t rush things. Don’t rush getting out of school, pursuing another degree, jumping into a relationship, rushing to get married, rushing to have children, rushing to buy a house with a white picket fence, a car, to get pregnant, to have a new baby and so on. We spend more time rushing into the next step, phase in our life that oftentimes we forget and miss out on the present time, the precious moments that are right before us. 

Embrace the place where you are! Think about your about your purpose in life. What are you passionate about? Go to work on building your foundation, your relationship with God, then yourself and then others. Love you sis! ~Jill  

Would you like to take a comprehensive inventory of your emotions, feelings and spiritual blueprint to give you an understanding of where you are, in order to bridge the gap to move you to where you want to be? 

Join our community and sign-up for our free gift, MP3 Download, Making the Right Choice. Everything we do revolve around relationships! The quality of your relationships will make or break your day, your week, your year or your life! 

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Friday, August 16, 2013

Dating a Married Man, Will He leave His Wife?

No! Why?…because He’s Taken. Well Duh!!!!

Warning, Warning, Warning: If you or someone you know is currently involved with a married man or involved man; this is for you! I want to warn you that falling for a married or someone that is involved with another female (girlfriend, exclusively dating, engaged etc) will only leave you with unexplainable hurt, pain, distress and total embarrassment.

Unfortunately, many women find themselves in this situation and I am going to boldly state this is not a position women choose to be in for the most part.  I found myself in this situation – I was considered the main girl because I was married to the cheater.  My ex-husband chose to have multiple relationships outside of our marriage. Of course this was not a situation I wanted to be in but because of all the lies and me not wanting to believe the lies; I stayed in this unhealthy and ungodly relationship.  These types of relationships are built and maintained on LIES. The lies begin with the guy’s current relationship status. For instance, you may ask him if he is married, have a girlfriend or seeing someone, and here comes the hesitation, well, not really, OR we are not together anymore (granted they broke up last week) OR she has my kids and I am only there for the kids OR we have some affairs together but we aren’t really together OR the lease isn’t up on the apartment, the house is in both of our names blah blah blah blah. If they don’t lie altogether about having someone currently in their life; they will probably say something like “I am leaving her but need more time” OR “we have a sick child together and I have to sleep over to her house at least 3-4 days a week” etc etc.  


In some cases; the guy will try to make himself look like the victim in saying what their wife or partner isn’t doing for them and how much they are not appreciated; how much they give, give, give, yet receive nothing in return; how things don’t feel the same like ole times however they have a family and “are trying to work things out”.  I believe this is the all time favorite and most popular – “She has changed since we got married.  She is not the same person anymore.” The list is Endless! These are called the “Self-Created Lies” Although there may be a hint of truth to some of what they are saying; it basically boils down to those wanting what they want and finding someone vulnerable and desperate enough to allow them to have it.

Just think about how much you forfeit in accepting this type of relationship. Your self -worth, dignity and respect; not to mention wasted time and effort poured into something that will NEVER result in a positive gain. You are missing out on your Mr. Right; and ultimately your future when you accept this lifestyle.

Newsflash:

At the end of the day; he is going back to his wife, baby mama, long term girlfriend etc. If in fact he does end up leaving his wife/partner for you; he cannot be trusted in a committed relationship because DUH he cheated with his wife/partner for you.

Remember: Behavior practiced is often behavior repeated! Don't believe the hype!! Your Mr. Right is worth the wait.

Let this Resonate for a moment: You can’t build a foundation on rocky ground; it will eventually fall. Just think about this. Guess where he will be on Valentine’s, Mother’s Day, Christmas etc.???? DUH, with his family, his girlfriend, his baby mama! All of a sudden; the time he may have had in the beginning he doesn’t anymore. At this point; you’re so far in, your vision is clouded behind the “relationship” you built on that shaky foundation. Can I tell you something? You are wasting your time; trust and believe me. When it is all said and done; he is returning back home. He almost always does. Regardless of how many fall outs, breakups, arguments/disagreements him and his girl has; he will return home and more often than not – she accepts him back. He will only go back and forth as long as the women allow him. Don’t be victim to a hopeless and life threatening situation. I don't care what this guy is doing for you. I don't care if he's paying your bills; if he babysits your children; if the sex is good or whatever the reason; nothing is worth your self-worth: nothing is worth you lowering your standards and certainly nothing is worth you allowing a man to treat you any less than how God desires you to be treated. 
God is your source and he will make provisions for you; He promised that - Trust Him to do what He promised. Don't find yourself in this situation for the sake of having a man or for the sake of having someone to lie next to at night or for the sake of having someone pay your mortgage or your rent every month; you are so much better than that. You are not someone’s sleep buddy (your body is a temple and belong to God). In many cases that I have seen; these types of relationships start off as all fun and games. You say “I don’t want a relationship; I just want his money”. Well, that doesn’t last long because your feelings and emotions grow - something beyond your control.
If your desire is to have a husband; wait on God. He will give you the desires of your heart; He will bless you abundantly, but He can’t while you are still trapped and wrapped up in the arms of another man. Your husband can’t find you while you are still caught up in a hopeless situation. You want a relationship that brings fulfillment; not confusion and chaos. With that being said; you have a Right Now decision to make if this is you and that decision is to DETOUR!!!!

~Treal

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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Free Yourself: Say No to Domestic Violence!!!!


Free Yourself:  Refuse to be a Victim!!!
Definition: Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.
Lately, we have been hearing and seeing numerous reports of Domestic Violence against women and many of these incidents/reports have resulted in death.  South Carolina (the state in which I reside) is currently ranked as the Number 2 State of Domestic Violence.  Louisiana is number 1.

As once having live through a period of Domestic Violence; I know that this subject matter is serious enough to blog about to bring awareness and to provide a way of escape for someone that maybe going through this.  

Domestic Violence is real and we cannot take it lightly.  Many of these incidents result from one or both partners being insecure or unsure of who they are.  Some occur because of past abuse that they have experienced; perhaps during their childhood or young adulthood.  

The abuser has attempted to suppress the memories, ignore that it ever happened or believe that they are cured/healed until something happens.  A trigger of some sort puts them back in remembrance of their past life and causes them to react on their partner.  

Individuals are not born violent; however, they are born into violent situations/households or environments and a violent nature is created as a result of their exposure.  It is never okay for a man to hit a woman or vice versa.  This is simply NOT ok and one time is too many.  Abusers always show signs/symptoms that they are abusive.  

The following are just some signs/symptoms of someone that maybe an abuser and need to be taken seriously: 
  • Extreme anger issues (angers very easily). For example:  if you are stretching and accidently hit them; they go off in a uncontrolled manner, controlling behavior (trying to control your every move or decision – telling you what to wear, where you can or cannot go etc)
  • Over possessive (does not give you any breathing room and always think you are doing something behind their back – you can’t see your family without him/her knowing etc)
  • Jealousy (every time you look at or talk to the opposite sex they are filled with rage) and the list goes on.
  • The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. 
  • Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.”
Please Seek Help immediately!  There are many shelters available if you are unable to go to family that will help you escape if the justice system has failed you. Escape Plan for Domestic Violence Victims:http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/

Healthy relationships just don’t happen; they are intentionally created!  The relationship you have with God and yourself  is a direct reflection on the relationship you have with others.  You can’t learn how to love someone if you have not mastered on loving the one that created you and then yourself FIRST.  This includes your dating relationship, marriage relationship and friendships as well. 

When you have a great understanding of who you are and your value/worth; anything or anyone that does not contribute to that in a positive manner; you keep free and clear out of your life! 

All too often women and men deal with insecurities, past issues, hurt, past experiences/poor relationships (past or current)etc; and they allow those things to have a negative impact on their life and future decision making. And all too often poor relationships are formed and continued based on past behavior and experiences. Some feel they aren’t worthy of better so they continue to look or accept what is familiar regardless if it is bad or not. 

Once you understand, identify and accept who you are; you will understand,  identify and accept who you are not so when you seek relationships/marriage; you will have a clear understanding of what a healthy life/future looks like to avoid all manner of Domestic Violence.  You and your children’s safety is your Number 1 Priority!!!

If you are someone you know is involved in any kind of Domestic Violence: Please share this blog with them.  Below, I have provided several links: One is an escape plan for the individual being abused (victim) and children if involved and the other is for Safety House/locations.  Click on the link and enter your state and select Local Programs or Statewide Programs to get the information for the shelter.  If you need further assistance, guidance or merely support; please contact us by emailing abstaining4jesus@gmail.com.  We are here to serve and support you in whatever way we can.  


Safety House for Domestic Violence/Abuse Victims:
South Carolina
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state_type.php?type_id=1618&state_code=SC

North Carolina
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state_type.php?type_id=1668&state_code=VA

Maryland
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state_type.php?type_id=1356&state_code=MD

Virginia
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state_type.php?type_id=1668&state_code=VA 

District of Columbia
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state_type.php?type_id=1243&state_code=DC

All other states: 
Go to http://www.womenslaw.org/index.php then click "where to I find help" self the type hotline or safety house.


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