Thursday, March 23, 2017

10 Things You Can Do to Build Your Confidence, Credibility & Courage Part I (1-5)


10 Things You Can Do to Build Your Confidence and Credibility Part I (1-5)

1.) Stop competing and start collaborating.

Being a track athletic for the first half of my life, left me with a few blessings and curses. The blessings are I am extremely ambitious and I have a can-do attitude, and when the competition turns up the heat; it makes me want to push harder. 

Now here is the curse, I struggled not to see every venture as a competitive opportunity. Over the years, I found this works well in some arenas especially games and sports, but it is horrible in personal and business relationships.  So I use to think when others were winning big and I didn’t feel like I was, that it meant I was losing big; all the while, totally ignoring the fact about God's timing, whether or not, I had the capacity or the thick skin that came with that territory. 

If you find yourself in that place, know that it is an insult to God for you to say, “You didn't make me good enough” or “You blessed her more than You blessed me.”  Know that you too have it in you and to manifest what you have on the inside into results on the outside has absolutely nothing to do with the success and failure of others. Honestly, this competition mindset where one person has to lose for another person to win is the very mindset that is keeping you stuck. Find me a successful person, and you will find them behind an even more successful mentor or coach. So rather than being an uncover hater; perhaps wishing it was you rather than her, make an effort to collaborate and ditch the competition in these rounds.

In business, this could mean doubling your impact and profit. Truth-be-told you can’t have a healthy relationship at home or in the streets with a person when you want their life. In that very moment, you are putting that person on a pedestal and you feel just because she has more friends, income, followers or whatever she somehow is more important than you. Often what they have is more problems than you! It was Notorious B.I.G who said it the best; “mo[re] money, mo[re] problems. Understand unhealthy competition can lead to covetousness which is a desire to have something some else has.  Focus on what you have, your gifts, you talents; the only thing keeping you from living the life you want, is doubt that you can.

2      2.) Let go of jealousy and covetousness. Don't be an uncover hater.

Don't look at someone else's success and think “man, look how far ahead she is; that should be me.”  Look at her and say “wow, this is how it should be done” or “wow, there are so many parts of what she did that you can use to be a better person, leader, or entrepreneur”. Jealousy derives from a spirit of entitlement thinking because of the time, money, energy or sacrifice you put into something, you should be at a particular place.  I know this was my case, I grind hard in my business and ministry with a goal to be a full-time entrepreneur and I should be further along than what I am today. I would even argue the amount of time, energy, money, and sacrifice I have made is amongst the 90% percentile in this field. Reality Check! It isn't about how many hours you worked, how much money you spent, how much you know or how many social gatherings you missed; at the end of the day, if you aren't doing the right things, at the right time, with the right people; then all these activities are merely a great waste of time. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it is the truth. I don't tell you what I think; I tell you what I know.

3      3.) Confront Your Past. You will never conquer what you do not confront.

After nearly 35 years of life, what I know for sure is that problems and pain just don't go away; they have to be properly handled. At my investor, I face 20 to 50 problems every day. Each time I do my best to address the problem; sometimes when I think I have resolved the problem, I do but other times I don't, and it becomes evident to me when issues, conversations, and frustrations keep arising about the same subject that it haven’t been resolved.  It can be five days later or five years later; the undisputed fact is that the problem always resurfaces itself if not properly handled. The same goes for past pain. I will never forget when I was a young girl and I lost my virginity to a guy who was just playing a game. That left me with the deepest scar of abandonment issues like you won't believe. For many years I confused my fear of abandonment with my fear of rejection as if it was one in the same. That is like giving a patient insulin which is for diabetes when she has cancer and needs Chemo treatment.

Any issues left undiagnosed will always be left untreated. After over 20 years of misdiagnosing myself, I began my healing process. A lot of treatment happened after I got married not by way of my husband, but through other relationships in my life. It wasn't until I examined my business relationships did I see the resurfaces of the pain that had not been properly addressed. My fear was that at some point my sister, my business partner would leave me and start a competing business. As I write this, I am identifying more abandonment issues as I recall when I was in a small child how I cried and cried after my sister, Treal.  Just say it was one rough day when I was attending half day kindergarten and I didn't realized I had to catch the bus without her. As Treal grew older, she would not allow me to go with her. She teased me until I cried or got angry whichever came first.

Unfortunately, it didn't stop there; my mom left, and my sister was in charge of babysitting me when I was about eight years old.  That night, she thought it was a perfect opportunity to sneak off to her boyfriend's house. Outside of fear, devastation and panicking, I can’t tell you how I responded; all I can say is that it was a very scary night. Note to parents and siblings, if you ever have to leave your children, make sure you ensure them that you are coming back and come back. This may be a minor, silly situation to you but it is the one I have always remembered.

To get over my fear of abandonment, I learned that I have to walk through the possibility of any given person leaving me aka abandoning me and deciding in advance how I am going to handle it; and work through different options and decisions I can make to move on with my life. See, before getting married, I walked through this exercise with my husband and my mother, but I stopped there; which was my mistake. Every significant relationship you have, you have to walkthrough this exercise. Every new relationship you acquire, you have to walk through this exercise. This exercise helps you resist the urge to hold onto anything longer than its expiration date. It frees other people from feeling they are stuck with you for life. Every relationship is not meant to last forever.

You heard it before; some people come in your life for a season, other for just a mere reason. That reason can be to volunteer for a weekend, to inspire you or you them, to introduce you to someone else, for a business venture, for a life lesson or perhaps they are there for a lifetime. Understand there are very few people who are assigned to you for a lifetime because as you continue to grow; unless the people around you are growing at the same speed, your circle of influence will evolve and it is okay. Take it as part of your journey and keep it pushin!

4      4.) Dress for where you want to go, not where you are. Show up how you want to be viewed.

As a former plain Jane, I was the chick that didn't even wear earrings until after college; so I have a lot of room to speak on this topic. Stop being lazy and thinking no one knows you, you aren't trying to impress anybody. Truth moment: if you want to increase your influence, impact, and income; you need to look like somebody and you need to impress people to some degrees as no one follows ordinary. You can be rich and not famous, but there are fewer people in this category and it requires more start-up capital to start out that way or a really good education.  If you have neither, then popularity should to be you strategy!

The truth of the matter is; if you want to impact and influence others, one of the fastest and cheapest ways to do it is through relationships, and people that have a good image want to be around other individuals with a good reputation. Call it shallow, stupid or stuck up but make sure you call it super-effective. Don't even waste your breath saying you ain't going to change for people; you aren't changing for them. You are changing to position yourself better and attracting the right type of people you want in your life for your success.

5      5.) Pay attention to your body posture - just as your mind can tell your body what to do and how to respond - certain positions and postures send messages to your brain. 

It is true that your body posture (which expresses your body language) gives off a message all on its own.  You can choose to be passive about it, as I had been for the better part of my life. You can also decide to stop being lazy in a near zombie state of mindset and start to be intentional about how your body responds and how you position parts of your body from your hands to your shoulders to your chin. Closed in (hands together, shoulders inward and fidgeting are all signs of nervousness and lack of confidence; conversely, legs shoulder width apart and hands on hips or in the air exudes more confidence. 

I tried some of my new learned technics from Valorie Burton’s book, “Successfully Women Speak Differently” in an initially high intensity meeting.  I kept my legs shoulder width apart, my shoulder broad, my chin slightly up (aka my head high) and leaned in when he leaned in; initially he set this meeting up to correct my perspective and approach on a particular subject matter; however, it quickly turned into a more collaborative non-threatening environment. 

At that moment, my body language communicated, “I am not intimated”; I am your equal, and you must treat me as such.  Don’t leave anything to chance; be intentional with every encounter you have with another human being.  Stop making people out to be higher than you regardless if they have a higher position, rank or whatever.  They are God's amazing creation just like you!  Be committed to hold the space for your existence and never shrink in words nor posture; as we use to say, you must hold your own.

Now you have to stay tuned for Part II with the additional five tips!

If you are in the DMV, come hangout with me for my birthday & Talk Show Premiere Party Sunday, March 26th at 5PM EST! You will enjoy dinner, dessert and a deserving good time! Email me at jillandtreal@detourmovement.com for additional details!  

Grab Your Free Report: 7 Biggest Mistakes Women Make that Will Delay Your Destiny!

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Saturday, March 4, 2017

We are Better Together "Sisterhood"



One band, one sound! If any of you have seen the movie “Drumline” starring Nick Cannon you would be familiar with that saying. Devon Miles played by Nick Cannon a high school kid who was headed for college. He was a part of his high school band and was offered a full band scholarship. There was one problem though; Devon was very prideful and felt that he could do life and college on his own. This showed up in his lack of respect and bad attitude toward his band leaders and professor once he arrived to college. I believe part of his prideful ways was due to some scars in his past in which the movie depicted. He felt as if he had to prove something to his father and the rest of the world and that was, he didn’t need anyone to be better.

How many of you have tried doing life on your own? You go through life with a prideful attitude because someone may have betrayed, disrespected or neglected you at some point of your life.  Because of this you feel as if you can’t trust others on your path to success and you begin your quest to greatness alone. What I can tell you is that this is will be a very lonely path and some way down that road, you are going to need help. Regardless of how smart you are or how much you have already achieved on your own; I can promise you my sister that you will only get so far by yourself.


I had to learn this throughout my life. I was once that person who felt like she was on top of the world and did not take well to asking or receiving help. I tried to figure out so many things on my own and as a result of it; many opportunities passed on by and didn't look back. If only I took hold of the hands that were extended to me; it would not have taken me as long to get to identify and walk in my purpose successfully. Community matters! You may hear us say that often and that is because it is true.  Why try to wrestle life alone when God has strategically placed people around you that can and will help!   You know why? 

Because many of us (including me) have stubborn ways and feel like if we ask for help; others will take credit or we will seem to others less competent or capable, but you know what? That is a trick of the devil himself. He wants to keep us divided and at odds with one another because he knows that we are so much better together. He knows that if we have one band (unity), one sound (one goal/agenda); we will make a lot of noise (IMPACT) for the Kingdom.


People are resources and it was always God intentions for us to work with and not against each other.  Romans 12: 4-5 says "For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Although we all have gifts, talents and expertise, we need each other to function the way God intended.

Because of this, we have to be so much more intentional and strategic about sticking together and leaning on one another strengths vice pointing out each other weaknesses. Aristotle said that, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” In other words, when individual parts are connected together to form one entity, they are worth more than if the parts were individually.

There is power in ONE and I want to share with you 7 Reasons why we are better together:


  1. Two is always better than one. You can get things done quicker, faster and sooner with the majority.
  2. Others have what you need and can help you get to where you need to go.  
  3. Someone else strengths can minimize and mitigate your weaknesses or inefficiencies. 
  4. We are more alike than different.
  5. We can lean and glean from one another without feeling inferior or insecure.
  6. TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.
  7. It gets lonely at the top so why not invite all and enjoy the party together.

It the enemy’s job to steal, kill and destroy and one of the ways he tries to do that is to keep us separated because he knows that when we unite, there is no stopping us.  Each one of us contain something special within and when we are all in agreement one with another, there will be combustion! 

I invite you to connect with our online community that has over 1.5k Dynamic Kingdom Women. The women in this group will tell you that connecting with community and welcoming sisterhood has changed their whole life.  You can join the group HERE. If you battle with isolating yourself, feelings of insecurity and insufficiency; we want to support you and walk you step by step on a journey of being FREE in your mind, emotions and will so you will no longer limit your ability or be afraid of others.  If this is you or someone you know, email us at jilllandtreal@detourmovement.com.

Treal








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