Sunday, July 9, 2017

"Don't pull the covers OVER Me. COVER ME" - Part I

Sex Sex Sex, that is all most relationships tend to focus on nowadays. Thanks to Steve Harvey, he has women waiting at least 90 days to give up the cookie (sarcastic grin). You all know the spill regarding sex and marriage so I won’t go down that path but what I will do is to help you identify your true worth and value rather than playing yourself like a counterfeit Queen.

This is a message for my single women and for those who haven't caught their life or marriage yet.  

Your purpose in a relationship is not for your body to be used as an instrument. God created the man to love (cover) you as Christ loved (covers) the church and gave himself for her in a husband capacity – Ephesians 5:25.

Prior to him becoming your husband, he should possess certain qualities that speak loudly at his ability to be able to cover you.

Nowadays, the focus is more on getting the covers pulled over you rather than the man taking his rightful place as your covering. If his sole focus is on getting the cookie prior to marriage, he is not deserving of your hand in marriage just yet. I encourage you to deeply reconsider and ask yourself, can he cover me? You will be able to answer this question by evaluating his behavior during your dating period. Based on your answer, that will tell you if you need to take the relationship any further or exit left and quickly.

Part of a man being able to cover you is not  just in prayer, but in protection, in pastoring (shepherding), and providing for you.  Now don’t get me wrong, prior the marriage, he may not be operating in this capacity at 100% because some things should be left for the marriage only. 

However, you should be able to identify if has these qualities.  Society and sin has caused so much confusion and corruption when it comes to the marriage covenant and the principles of marriage are not given the same weight and value as God intended. In fact, they are often misunderstood and misused. 

So how do we do marriage God’s way? We have to understand the role of the man and why God entrusted him with such a role.  God is the head of the man and the man is the head of his wife and together with his bride they are the head of the children.

One can only occupy the position as head or leadership in being your covering when he is in alignment with God. Once he is in alignment with God, he will know how to properly lead or cover his wife and family. 

In today’s society, there is too much negotiating going on. Women are taking on the responsibility of a wife without every getting a ring — they have somewhat equated sharing a mortgage or other responsibilities together as a commitment. That is not him covering you, that is you compromising. Women as well as men have a responsibility in ensuring that they take their rightful place in God so that they will be positioned rightfully in the marriage relationship.

I am not throwing stones on anyone as I have had my fair share of compromising in relationships. I tolerated way too much foolishness and didn’t understand how valuable I was nor did I understand the role a man should have been playing was my covering. I thought because a man was taking care of me financially and otherwise, that gave him rights to me but the devil was and still is a liar. I needed a covering not a cookie crumb snatcher.

Your covering (husband) should be able to call forth and help cultivate your purpose as he hears from God, but if he ain’t hearing from God, he can’t do that. If he is too busy listening to his body parts, he could care less about your purpose. Single ladies, are we still rocking?  Listen, you have to get to a place where you know your role and true value and understand what your future husband’s role should be and anytime those things are not in aligned; you know when to back away.

Don’t allow looks, status or the fact that he attends church regularly and serve in ministry fool you. Check his covering meter. Is he in a position to cover (pastor, protect and provide) for you.  I had to do that before I married my husband.

What many don’t know is before there was the Detour or Wives Who Win Movement, my husband was already speaking my TODAY into existence before we got married. I remember us walking on the beach and him prophesying into my life regarding a women’s movement and the magnitude of it. I was in complete denial and honestly told him that he was wrong (in so many words) and that I didn’t want to be apart of anything big. I was in denial not because it wasn’t true but because I didn’t feel capable. I couldn’t see how or even why God would use me in this capacity. I allowed fear, doubt and my insecurities to paralyze me. Through all of that, he continued to Speak Life and God’s promises over me. It was to the point, I was annoyed :). He would cover me in prayer and fast on behalf of me and what God had called me to do, BEFORE we were married. 

My husband knew what God had told him concerning his future wife and he knew what his responsibility was. He has always had my back (spiritually and physically) and continues to declare God’s promises over my life. When I doubt, am fearful or insecurities attempt to overtake me, he reminds me WHO I AM and what I have been called to do and that it WILL get done. 

My husband's faith is immeasurable and I am so blessed and honored to be one with him. Marriage isn’t just about two people having fun together — more than that, it is about two people coming together to impact the nations in a massive way. You can only do that if you both are walking in their God given purpose and assignment. As my husband prays for me, I do for him as well. If you are not praying one for another, I encourage you to start today. A three stringed cord is not easily untangled (manipulated, divided, or loosed). 

Single women who are dating..... if all he wants to do is put covers over you rather than cover you in prayer and worship, then I need you to exit stage left now!!!!

See, my husband wasn’t concerned about getting my cookies or crumbs or getting under any type of covers, he was solely focused on destiny birthing through me and taking his rightful position in the process. He knew his position as my covering before he was even my covering. He made it known what his purpose was not just by what he said but by what he did.

In case you are wondering what qualities my husband needed before he could ask my hand in marriage, and what any man who desire your hand in marriage should possess, here are FIVE qualities:  

1 - Worship: Those that worship God must worship him in spirit and in truthCheck his worship meter. His ability to worship, not just during church service but daily will help you make the decision if he is fit to be your King. 

2 - Prayer: And when you pray, pray our Father, who is in heaven, hallow (holy) be your name.  Can he pray? Does he know more than "Jesus wept" from an Easter program? Sista girl, if he can’t cover you in prayer, he can't cover you in any other area.

3 - Pastor (shepherd): Is he capable and fit to lead you in the word?  Does he understand the scriptures and are applying them to his life? What have you observed thus far? If he is doing a horrible job in leading him, he sure can't lead you.

4 - Protector: Is he in a position to protect you?  This is physical (natural) and spiritual protection. Is he gentle with you or harsh and insensitive? Can he pray on your behalf and intercept the devil's plan for your life? If he isn't observant, aware, and cautious; he can't protect you.

5 - Provider:  The man should do the heavy lifting, literally and figuratively. If he can't provide for you, he is not in a position to marry you.


We will expound on these FIVE  qualities in Part II, so stay tuned.

Treal Ravenel akak the Wife Coach

P.S. Wives Who Win "How to Win in Your Marriage" Virtual book launch kicks off Wednesday, July 12th @ 8:00p.m.  Click HERE to join the party!



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