Sunday, September 11, 2011

How to Connect with a Man?

Have you ever seen a guy or girl across the room and thought, man he or she is fine or one good looking brotha or sista that you wouldn’t mind getting to know better?  As you glanced over to get a second look, you caught him or her looking at you too.  You are attracted to him and he is attracted to you and just that quickly you’ve made a physical connection. I have experienced this on a number of occasions.  One specific incident, me and this fine brotha had an extremely strong physical connection, however, he did not have a for real relationship with God, you know, he was a “title Christian”.  Unfortunately, during our dating time, we were on
two different wavelengths and his connection with God never grew which hinder our spiritual connection. With such high level of physical connection coupled with a small touch of mental and emotional connection, we both were curious to explore our sexual compatibility, leaving the spiritual connection at the front door.   Shortly thereafter, the relationship dissolved and for the life of me I could not figure out why. Overtime I identified the missing pieces or should I say the missing connections that contributed to the relationship extinction. This along with many other life scenarios, exposures and formal education on human behavior and relationships has help me understand in order to establish a healthy, long lasting relationship involves a complete connection on five different levels.
Level 1: Physical Connection 
This is the first level of connection we experience with someone of the opposite sex.  This is characterized by having a strong physical attraction for that person.  It can be driven by that person’s smile or lips, cute face, slim waist, biceps, triceps, thighs or their eyes.  Sometimes this connection or, as some would like to call it, this “chemistry” is so strong that it can lead to premature sex, often decreasing the likelihood of developing a deeper connection. Although physical attraction is the first level of building an intimate relationship, the lack of it can lead to the end of one as well. Because many people know the importance of a physical connection, it drives millions of men faithfully to the gym and has tons of women on diets or starvation fasts to improve their physique (among other motivations).  As significant as it is; physical attraction is merely the tip of the iceberg in establishing a complete connection with a mate.

Level 2: Spiritual Connection
Spiritual connection is the second level of connection we should experience with someone, however, oftentimes in a world where people’s willingness to conform to the standards of others for acceptability, our spiritual values sometimes is left at the front door.  This level of connection is characterized by having the same fundamental beliefs about God and our Savior with a potential partner; thus, setting the stage for common ground with our morals and values which are expressed through words and behavior.

Level 3: Mental Connection  
Mental connection is where two individuals’ maturity level and their compatibility meets.  An individual life experiences and environment will mold their behavior in any given circumstance.  The more life experiences and exposure two individuals have in common, increases the level of compatibility.  This commonality or differences can either flourish or diminish the possibility of a healthy relationship.  Having a mental connection is rooted from an appreciation of an open exchange of ideas, beliefs and values.  A positive exchange in this area can lead to a meeting of the minds that fosters an element of respect for one another.  This connection aside from spirituality is the core element that sustains a relationship.
Level 4: Emotional Connection:
The actual experiences two people share is derived from the individual’s mental and emotional maturity which drives their behavior.   Continual positive experiences can result in two individuals arousing strong feelings for one another.   This is where we start to sincerely care for one another and we become more vulnerable to having feelings of anger, happiness, joy, love or pain throughout the course of the relationship.  At this point, we begin to increase our level of sensitivity for one another’s feelings and desires.  Because of the close sequential order of emotional and sexual connection the two are often confused.
Level 5: Sexual Connection
A sexual connection is characterized by physical intimacy of sexual intercourse where mutual pleasures are experienced.  Although sexual connection listed as the fifth and final level, it actually starts from the physical connection and builds during the other levels of connection and is expressed through sexual encounters. Sexual connection should be the last level of connection because this is where a relationship is consummated (meaning sexual intercourse takes place) or, should I say, where a marriage is consummated. With premarital sex being the norm, many relationships are consummated without any thoughts or regards to marriage.  Over time, society has deluded the opinion of how sex impacts an individual.   Whether or not one admits or recognizes it, this connection bonds the mind, body, soul and spirit in a way that is nearly impossible to reverse. Over time the lack of reverence, appreciation and respect for the sanctity of consummation has caused the ultimate connection one can have with a mate during a sexual experience to be diminished.
Unfortunately many relationships today go straight from physical connection to a sexual connection skipping everything in between or not allowing sufficient time for these levels of connections to fully develop.  In order to establish a complete connection, the traditional courtship experience has to take place to allow time and opportunity to develop various experiences with one another and time for individuals to evaluate one another.  So rather than checking our spiritual values at the door, as we sometimes do, we should check our lustful desires at the door and curiosity that arise from a strong physical connection and patiently wait to experience the various states of connections and experience the ultimate sexual connection during marriage.
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