Sunday, June 23, 2013

Confident Woman~Beyond Beauty & Booty!

Warning: Only read this blog if you are prepared to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!  Only read this blog if you are prepared to shift your mindset from the shallow worldly meaning of confident to authentic self-assuring confidence!  Only read this if you don’t mind having a few breakthroughs as my girl Lisa Nichols would say, because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!

So let me start by sharing my story. For many years I thought confidence and beauty meant the same thing. Until I started to realize that I felt beautiful but I was not sure of how my behavior and communication came off to other people which made me conscientious of who I was and how other people perceived me. This caused me to lack trust in my own ability to make decisions. This indecisiveness caused me to seek the approvals of others. 
Me and a few girlfriends in San Diego 2009. Me, 3rd chic from left to right.

This showed up when I asked someone how they like my hair, my make-up or my dress.  Because I was so committed to my external beauty,  I spent hours preparing for a date or a girls' night out, thinking about what I would wear, how I would fix my hair, makeup and so on.  Have you experienced any of this before? Now if any of this resonates with you, just say Breakthrough because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!

See I finally had an uh-huh movement when I did the usual routine picking out my outfit, spent several hours putting together my weave, ironing my clothes, ensuring I had my Brown Sugar body lotion and body spray from Bath Body Works (BB&W) and DKNY Delicious Apple perfume, putting on my MAC makeup and then finally I was ready to go.

I was dating a sexy Marine guy.  He invited me to meet his mother. I did my normal routine and stepped out looking fresh and clean.  So much so his mom asked me what fragrance I was wearing because she loved it!  After spending a few hours with him and his mother I headed home.   Thinking I really made a good impression!

I later discovered that his mom thought I was sweet & beautiful.  When I learned of this, I was extremely disappointed that "sweet" was the only thing…. mom could find to say about me.  

I wanted to be known as smart, having a good head on my shoulder, being a good wife and mother one day, to be passionate, a child of God, authentic, loving, a multiplier, a leader, way so much more than a sweet and beautiful girl.  

At that moment, sitting on my bed after getting off the phone with Sgt. Marine suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks! I received a good return on my investment.  I invested all my time preparing my outer appearance and praise on my outer appearance is what I received in return.

Perhaps if I had spent more time preparing questions to ask his mom and asking Sgt. Marine what was some of his mom’s interest and hobbies and sharing some of my own, I would have been more prepared to engage in meaningful discussion; which is what  ultimately connects us to one another aside from personal life experiences.  Doing so would have allowed me to share my personal values and beliefs of who I truly was NOT JUST who I dressed up to be. 

Now I don’t believe I am the only one who has traveled this road.  Now if any of this resonates with you, just say Breakthrough; because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!

No longer do you have to dress up to get attention or to display your value to the world.  I am not saying it is wrong to look nice and to keep yourself up. I am saying it is foolish and shallow to let it define who you are!

See like me, you may have been thoroughly confessed about what confidence is and how you wanted others to perceive you.  However, you may not have spent much time thinking about it prior to this moment but don't worry because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!

See in orders for us to achieve the level of confidence that God designed for us to have, we must understand four things: what confidence is not, what confidence is, learn to like ourselves and fall in love with ourselves, and go to work on growing and being our best self. #bestself.

1.)  Understand What Confidence Is Not! Confidence is not about how beautiful you are, how skinny or fit you are, how nicely your breast sits in a double D or a C cup, nor how big or firm is your booty.  Physical beauty is the biggest miss perception about confidence portrayed by media and today's celebrities.  See some celebrities may be confident about looking good on the outside but often feeling torn, abused and rejected in the inside.  See sometimes we dress up on the outside and we are empty in the inside.

This is how someone can be battling loneliness while in a room crowded with people.  In the book of Isaiah 3:16-26 it talks about how women focused on fine linen, jewelry, perfume and other materialistic things.  These things became their god.  They idolized things by setting their hearts and minds on their possessions rather than on the heart of God.

2.) Understand What Confidence Is.  Confidence is having faith in God and not in yourself. Confidence is liking yourself just as God has created you to be from the outside to your most inner being!  

As my girlfriend Tanya says it, Confidence is being comfortable in your own skin, exuding positive, even something strong and silence presence about yourself. And as my girlfriend Sonya says it is “ultimately being engrained in your personal ideas, beliefs, or values regardless of what [the] masses may feel or believe but being able to respectfully display [who you truly are]”!

Confidence is about your values, your personal belief which as a Christian should be based on biblical principles!  Timeout for us compromising who we are and what we stand for to be accepted by others (for example having sex to please or keep a man). Now if any of this resonates with you, just say BREAKTHROUGH, because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE! 

3.) Learn to like yourself and fall in love with yourself.  When we say learn to like yourself, we are referring to contentment. Being okay with who you are from your outer appearance to being okay with the way you communicate, and being okay with your imperfections.  

You have to be the example to the world of how others should treat you based on how you treat yourself. You have to say positive things to yourself about yourself. Read or recite positive affirmation about yourself and about what God says you are. Okay, let's try this out right now, recite these words. "I am fearfully and wonderful made in the image of God.  My value and worth is not determined by my beauty or my booty but by the values I hold, by the respect and reverence I give to the Lord by honoring my body as a living sacrifice.  

Identify strengths in your personality and character and focus on letting these things shine! Do not shrink yourself so others can accept you or so others can be comfortable around you!  Be your authentic self!  Does any of these things resonates with you? If so, just say BREAKTHROUGH, because your BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!

4.) Now it is time to go to work on being your best self.  Be intentional about who you are and how you show up in the world.  Here are some tips and strategies of how you can show up as your best self!

·       Have your own mind (trust yourself, your heart knows the answer)!
·       Be decisive! think, plan (pray, fast and mediate) then decide.  Don’t make a haste decision.           
·       Accept yourself for who you are (be it silly, goofy, clumsy, athletic, crazy)!
·       Learn to be fun, loving and lighthearted! Stop getting all uptight about simple things.  Learn to relax and let it go!
·       Give other people a break and give yourself a break! Learn to make jokes and how to ask questions to make small talk and effectively build relationships. 

Now it is time for us to declare our own values and beliefs of who we are, what we believe and how we want others to perceive us.  

I challenge you to reflect and identify your beliefs and values.  Then write down 10 declarations and read them for the next 40 days so you can start walking in the confidence and boldness of God!

After that you, you will start falling in love with yourself God's way and understand your value and self-worth as Christ see you.  This confidence is  not in an arrogant, conceded way but in a way you can announce it to yourself and before God and the world will see it through you without you ever saying a word! 

P.S. You see many of the stories I share about dating and relationships does not mention my AMAZING husband, Kelvin Bulluck, because by the time I met him, I had figured all this out.  I knew who I was, I had my values engrained in my heart and on my chest.  

Don’t get it confused we both had to confront strongholds in our lives!  But we knew to seek God for the answers, not the world or not even each other. We focused on keeping God at the center of our relationship rather than on the side lines!  
Now if you want to learn more about making the right choice in your relationship, subscribe to our bi-weekly newsletter in the top left corner and you will receive our free 30 minute MP3 Download on Mate Selection Tips.  

Also we will be releasing the dates for our conference next April 2014 in Charleston, SC so get ready to mark your calendar!~Jill

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Sunday, June 2, 2013

Tips on Dating/Relationship Before Marriage!

Are you single, dating and unsure of whether you should keep a guy around?  Or perhaps you are not currently dating anyone but you would like to start preparing yourself by knowing the do's and don'ts of dating.  If this is you or if you know someone in this situation, we urge you to watch this stellar video by Treal! Grab your headphones and check out this video!  Great tips and strategies for all our single ladies!  Also share it with other single women to help them on their journey.

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