Saturday, May 31, 2014

Is It Really a Date or is it a Booty Call?

Okay so after coming off two weekends in a row of an AMAZING date with the hubby, I wanted to blog about it to share some great dating ideas for married folks.  Yes, married folks should stay on the dating scene with each other!   As I started writing, the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me that the common misconception is not that dating is for single people but rather the misconception is that a date can be in a private, exclusive setting between two people and still be called a date.  When you look at the definition of the word dating one key element is that it is a public gathering of two people.

So I asked if a date consist of two people to engage in social activity publicly then what is it called when two people meet at their house or in a private setting.  I wanted to identify a name for this or otherwise create one and then I realized one already exist, and it is called a BOOTY CALL!

Somehow the notion of dating has become misconstrued and women are often the one's who are most negatively affected by it.  Many times as women, we plan to get up with a guy we are "dating" and he invites us to his house.  In our minds, we are going to hang out and get to know each other.  I will go further to say that most women will view this private arrangement as a date, but it definitely is not.  Think about the purpose of a home.  A home is a place where people go for exclusivity and privacy; to get comfortable in their pj's or nightwear.

The two most common activities people do in their home is sleep and take a shower.  Too many women think going with the flow or saying yes to every idea a guy comes up with make them more attractive, but the truth of the matter is that a man will start to lose respect for you and wonder what values you really have.

So please STOP trying to please a man to get love!  It will NEVER work!  Get some standards for yourself and set boundaries! Let him know what line he cannot cross with you. What you do with him, he will think you have done with all the other guys before him.  In the same breath; what you don't allow him to do, he will be convinced you didn't let other guys do before him.  If your goal is marriage, set boundaries and don't give yourself freely to a man; intentionally or by being gullible!  It is time out for that!  Many of you reading this blog are twenty something, more of you are thirty something and some of you even forty something.

Think about what you have been doing in the past and how it has not been working for you.  Time out for the same foolishness!
It is time for you to submit to what God has called for you to be!  And let's be real, how about what you want to be or what you desire!  If it is marriage, giving a man sex isn't the most effective way. Actually it is the most ineffective way!
I said it once before and I will say it again, Sex is a temporary fix for a long-term problem of intimacy.   Develop an intimate relationship with yourself, your heavenly father than you will be ready to develop an intimate relationship with a man. If you are a Christian woman, Act like one!  So as you continue on your dating journey, avoid being subject to booty calls!

Below are 10 Reasons Why "House Date", I Mean Booty Calls Should Be Avoid

In the House

1.) Usually have little to No Activity Involved.  You are limited in your ability to explore your compatibility and common interest with one another.

2.) You are 100 times more likely to have Sex in a Home then in a Public Place.  Enough Said!

3.) At his house, the Guy Has the Home Court Advantage.  He sets the atmosphere and usually strategically plan the evening.  Some guys do this intentionally others may be as lost or "innocent" as you or have good intentions, either way, hormones and lustful desires do not discriminate!

4.) Commonly Involves Movie Watching Often with Sexually Explicit Content.  Watching movies or shows with even a slight sex scene can easily increase or awaken your sexual desires which can lead you straight to the bed.

 5.) Promote Environment for Physical Intimacy. "Chillin" on the couch puts your mind and body in a very relax state which makes you more open to engaging in physical intimacy.

 6.) All Activity You Can Do in a House Can Be Enjoyed Outside the House Except for Sex.  In 98% cases when I had sex, it was in one of two places: house or a hotel.  You can eat, watch movies and "chill" or "kick-it" almost anywhere outside of a home.

 7.) If Alcohol is involved, it changes your chemical balance, all the while increasing your sexual drive. According to my buddy Wikipedia, Alcohol consumption has a number of effects on sexual behavior.  The effects of alcohol are balanced between its suppressive effects on sexual physiology, which will decrease sexual activity, and its suppression of psychological inhibitions, which will increase the desire for sex ... Balance, judgment, and coordination are also negatively affected. One of the most significant short term side effects of alcohol is reduced inhibition. Reduced inhibitions can lead to an increase in sexual behavior

 8.) You Can't Assess His Social skills or how he respond to social pressures. This limits your exposure of how your partner interact/conduct himself with others.

9.) Can't Assess how he treat you in a public setting.  Is he a gentleman?  Does he open the door for you?  Does he know how to talk to you in a group setting? You are Limited to no exposure to his friends or family.

10.) It is not a date, IT IS A BOOTY CALL!   Call a spade a spade, and call a booty call, a booty call. A date consist of a public social activity for two people to discover their compatibility prior to engagement or marriage. Sex may not happen the first time you go over to his house or he comes to yours, but if you continue to do this, it will lead to sex.

 Of course sex is not a bad thing; it is an honorable thing between husband and wife! 

But as a single woman, you should do everything you can to preserve your purity and do what is pleasing to the King and to gain the value and respect of your partner!

Don't just hear me or read this blog, apply this in your date life!  I am one of the most highly qualified people to tell you this, because I spent nearly 20 years of my life doing the same thing.  Even after I got saved, even after I declared I would be abstinent; I struggled with making many good decisions in my dating and it was because I did not understand the importance, the seriousness of how to avoid house dates.

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