So we have shared a few personal
stories of how Treal and I triumphed in the midst of adversity. We shared
our personal experiences to let you know, no matter what you are going through,
this too shall past.
Sometimes it seems like when it
rains, it pours and that the devil is hitting you from all sides.
But what I know to be true is that
"this is not [a wrestling] against flesh and blood, but against
principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,
against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.Therefore
take up the whole armor of God,that you may be able to withstand in the evil
day, and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore, having girded your
waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and
having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;above
all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the
fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of
salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying
always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this
end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints"—Ephesians
6:11-18.
Know there is absolutely nothing too hard for God. Stand on His
promise!
Just as God equipped Treal with the
whole armor of God, He will equip you! Just as God carried Treal through
adversity in her life, He will do the same for you!
Going through any type of separation or relationship break up is
quite devastating and definitely life changing for all those involved. I
remember when I thought that I was a failure because my first marriage
failed. I felt that because it didn’t work out the way I planned it; that
I failed. Getting married again or even falling in love was not at the
top of my agenda as the enemy made me feel that I was insufficient; fell short
and was not capable of achieving the desired end result which was a happy,
healthy and successful marriage. All of me did not believe that my Mr.
Right existed or was even still available as I failed at my one and only
opportunity.
I
did not understand that God was a God of second chances, third, fourth and
fifth. The reason all this was oblivious to me is because I did things my
way and not God’s way, so I obtained my results not God’s results. Anytime
we do things outside the will of God; He will not bless or honor it!
Even
after God released me from this marriage; there were things that I still had to
deal with emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritual. I needed to be
restored and to be quite honest; I wasn’t sure how to do just that.
Naturally, I begin to think about how I was going to recover from this. I
mean, I was in this relationship for over a decade and I depended heavily on my
ex to be the sole financial provider for the home. I took a back seat in
that department and allowed him to “take care of things”. I didn’t realize it
at that time, but I handicapped myself in many areas of my life which caused
major setbacks later on, but once it was over; I had to accept my life for what
it was.
Although,
I was not thrilled about being single again – this was my new reality and I
accepted it. You may be asking how?
#1
- I stopped blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship
and for the divorce!
#2
– I realized that this was not my end, but only my beginning and was determined
to pick up the pieces of my life and Triumph through it!
Here are 6 Tips that helped me along the way and kept me together
Spiritually, Mentally, Physically and Emotionally and can do the same for
you:
1. Wife (You): I sought after
support from my close friends and family to help me cope with my life after divorce.
I needed them to help keep me active and focused on me and my son. I
focused on my Spiritual growth and oneness with myself and I had to get used to
being with self again and learn to enjoy it.
2. Children: I had to keep it
together for my son. Although he was only a toddler at the time; I had to
protect him from the effects of a separation/divorce. Typically after a divorce
all hell breaks loose with the wife/children. Children typically tend to act
out because they are unable or unwilling to accept and cope with the fact that
dad is gone.
a.
Here are some strategies you can implement if children are involved:
· Assure the
child (ren) that everything is going to be ok and that the separation/divorce
was not their fault.
· Encourage
the child (ren) that as their mother, you will do everything in your power to
protect and cover them and provide for their needs.
· Let them
know that things will be different, but that does not change your love for
them.
3. Family Outings: In my
case; my ex did not frequently interact or engage in family outings, but if
this was the case for you; you will have to get use to attending family outings
without your ex.
a.
Here are some strategies for facing the family:
· Make no
apologies for what happened, and ensure your family knows that you have
accepted your new reality as a single woman/mother and you desire their love
and support through this process.
· This is
not the time for "I told you so" from the family as you will need
them to embrace you and help you to move past this.
· Tell them
that they can help by simply being there.
4. Finances: Like me,
you will more than likely go through the “I can't financially survive without
him” at some point. Remember, this is your new reality; so you can and you
will!
a.
Here are some strategies for facing financial adversity due to separation/divorce.
· Create a
budget if you have not done so prior and seek financial guidance if needed to
help reevaluate your debt to income portfolio to see what changes need to
occur.
· You may
have to downsize and live a lifestyle that maybe different or awkward. I
know I had to, big time but it is ok. You will regain what you lost soon
enough and have an opportunity to live even better but for now – this is your
new reality so changes are needed!
5. Chores/Housework: For those
children that are of age, involve them more in household chores and if you have
a male child, explain to him that it is not his responsibility to take over the
male parent role, but all children will do a little more to help mom with
chores/housework and added responsibility (for example: older siblings
driving younger siblings to school, appointments etc).
6. Healing Process: You
will have to forgive your ex and when your children see that you are willing
and able to forgive; they will follow suit. In addition, eventually they
will accept the new life without dad being in the house because you have and
your life will be evident of this. Once your healing and restoration process
takes place; you will exude a woman who is happy, free in God, whole and
complete. You will now be at a place where your life is on a new path and
in due season (God’s timing) and if it is your desire; He will prepare you for
a happy, healthy and successful marriage the second time around but for now
EMBRACE your current season!
Learn to Triumph in the
Midst of Your Adversity
The devil is defeated
and you have the victory. You are an overcomer, you can
Triumph! There is no nothing stopping you from being
Victorious! Oftentimes, when you hear of someone who experienced the
same thing as you and they overcame; it is all the inspiration you need to take
the next step and experience that in your life too!
P.S. Be sure to leave a comment and share your experience or take away from this blog. Also if you have not already be sure to download your free report at rollingwiththepunchesbook.com.
At some point or another you
experienced some form of brokenness. This could have been from a
relationship with a guy, disappointment with your parents or a friend etc.
When you are closely attached to someone and for whatever reason that
relationship dissolves especially against your will, it can leave you feeling
worthless, robbed, unhappy and discouraged. You may even feel that it was your
fault and blame yourself for the outcome of the relationship.
In Treal’s book: “Rolling with the Punches! Learning to Triumph in the midst of Adversity” she shared the time she
experienced brokenness after a relationship she thought would never end.
She wanted to be with this guy for her own selfish reasons (including doing
what was pleasing to God in avoiding a sexual immoral relationship). Being that she already experienced a divorce;
she was determined to make this relationship work but when it didn’t, it left
her feeling hopeless, helpless and a sense of failure. When you experience a
lost equivalent to this, it is comparable to a death because you experience a
form of grief for something that was near and dear to you but no longer. Treal experienced that grief! Check out an encouraging video!
Although she experienced a
heartbreak and brokenness, she refused to let her circumstance keep her in that
state and she refused to be a victim of her situation. In fact, she was determined to be
victorious!
Treal knew that she could not live
her life in fear, bitterness and sadness, so she made a decision to turn to God
to heal her brokenness. She knew if she turned to God that her fear would
turn into faith. She knew that if she turned to God her bitterness would turn
to gladness. She knew if she turned to God that her sadness would turn to
happiness.
So what did she do? She
turned to God and she did not look back!
She prayed daily and sometimes
by the hour and whenever she felt the enemy attacking her mentally, emotionally
or spiritually. She knew that even if
her flesh wanted to do everything else but pray; her life depended on it and
she was intentional about keeping her prayer life active, no matter what! If she was at work she would go into the
bathroom, if she was in her car, she would pray in her car – it didn’t matter.
Don’t you limit God! God can show up and show out anytime and anywhere,
all you have to do is call on the precious name of Jesus, Mary’s baby, the
Lillie of the Valley and the Bright and Morning Star! Know that the enemy
comes to steal, kill and destroy but God came that you may have life and to
have it more abundantly. The devil is defeated and you have the
victory. You are an overcomer, you can Triumph!
There is no nothing stopping you
from being Victorious! Oftentimes, when
you hear of someone who experienced the same thing as you and they overcame;
it is all the inspiration you need to take the next step and experience that in
your life too! Check out this inspirational video from Treal!
Go grab your free report to learn
more at rollingwiththepunchesbook.com
See I struggled with this myself.
I felt like if I was too goofy or silly that people would think I was
immature. When I often said something to other people, they would get
offended; however, my verbal expressions were never intended to offend anyone. But
rather than learning to express my authentic feelings to others in a more
receptive way, I opt not say anything because I did not how to express
myself verbally without offending others. I voluntarily raised my
hands and made a subconscious decision that it was more important for me to
accommodate others and guard their feelings than it was for me to accommodate
and love myself and guard my own feelings. It seemed like this decision
was made overnight but it took years for me to reverse this state of mind and
being.
·
Put a stake in the ground and refused to conform to what other people wanted
me to be.
·
Refused to let society put me in a box of how I should look, speak or behave.
·
Refused to deny being true to myself over making other’s feel more
comfortable around
me.
·
Decided that being true to who I was and accepting and loving myself was so
much more important than pretending to be someone I was not or just as bad
as holding back who I was due to fear that the other person would not
accept me.
Besides making these bold decisions,
I also did 4 things that I will share with you and if you want to love and
accept yourself for who you truly are, I challenge you to do the same thing.
1.) Dispel the
lies of your past!
The world will try to define you by
your size, your height, you speech or whatever but you do not have to be or
embrace what others have said about you. Take what they said and make the
opposite true. For example when I was younger, I was often teased about
my nose. So much so I wanted to have surgery as soon as I became an
adult. But after a while I realized I never had a problem with my nose,
it was other people who had a problem with my nose. So I decided to
embrace it after all, it was just as God had created me to be.
2.) Write down all
your positive attributes!
Take the negativity that others have
said about you and what you have said about you and make the opposite true. So
rather than replaying the negativity in my head, I would say I have a beautiful
nose. My nose is just like my dad’s nose and I love it! And when I see my
nose I am reminded of my dad.
3.) Declare who
you are by God’s standard not the world standards!
God says you fearfully and
wonderfully made in His image. God said I know the thoughts I think
toward you - thoughts to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a
hope for your future.
4.) Take
care! Drink lots of water, reduce the sugar and bad carbohydrates (bread,
pasta & soda), exercise, mediate, never stop learning and developing!
Indulge consistently in being your
best self! No I am not telling you to change yourself or to be someone
you are not! There is a different between growing and become more into
your authentic self and changing or conforming to be someone you are not.
It is called evolving!
Take a stand and refuse to be
stuck! Take a stand, to commit to overcoming all the pain, hurt of your
past, and the unforgiveness you carry in your heart and go grab your free copy
of How to Triumph in the Mist of Adversity!
We love you so much! God loves you
best, be blessed!
