Thursday, July 14, 2016

"If You Want Closure, Start With Your Legs!" | Breaking Ties of an Unhealthy Relationship

I remember being in the bookstore a few years ago as I was looking for another book on how to breakthrough my singleness journey of dead end relationship after dead end relationships so that I could finally get to the other side. It was at that moment when I saw a book with this title “If You Want Closure, Start with Your Legs” that title cut me like the Word, it felt shaper than a two-edge sword.
I had been dating this guy from my college.  Being that I had come from a history of guys who smoked, drank and sold dope while spending most of their time in and out of jail; meeting this guy who was a grad student in the Engineering program, I thought, “This is it”!  
Although the packaging was different, the elements of the relationship remain the same. Just like my previous relationships, he cheated on me and his life did not reflect Christ just like the previous relationships.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I saw douche under his bathroom cabinet and he said it belonged to his sisters. Then he told me to stop asking about it because even if he cheated I would stay.  I knew at that point, this had gone too far and he had absolutely no respect for me and really I did not have any respect for myself for that matter.  I had no idea how, but I knew something had to give. There were 3 critical things that freed me from these types of relationships.

1.)    I Prayed.  Psalms 103:12 says “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.  I not only asked God to separate my transgressions of sleeping with a man that was not my husband, I asked him to remove the man who participated in it with me, and the lustful desire that led me there in the first place.  So I say to you my sister, pray and ask God to heal your broken-heart.

2.)     I Kept My Legs Closed which required me to stop seeing him all together.  I know as long as I kept engaging in a sexual relationship with him, that I would never be able to walk away.  I had to let go sexually before I could let go emotionally. Again I say, if you want closure, start with your legs.  Once you close your legs, renew your mind and your heart will follow.

3.)    I Sought Out Godly Relationships.  The truth of the matter is that all along I wanted love, but I found lust that began to tear at the fabric of the woman I wanted to become.  I wanted companionship, healthy communication, true love, fun and God in my relationship.  Too often as women we seek out a man where we should be seek out our sisters.  When breaking off a relationship where you have had a very close relationship, you are going to need emotional support.  You are going to need an outlet in a safe space where you can cry, laugh and live.  Let yourself cry about it once then move on.  When you get the urge to cry, go to the thorn of grace and mercy and ask God to take the desire of wanting to be in a relationship that is not serving you of God, away from your heart and mind.  Saturate yourself with the things of God. Stay intimately connected to your Heavenly Father and your friends.

P.S Join us at the 3rd Annual Women's Conference August 6-7, 2016 in Silver Spring, MD.

Jill Bulluck

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Sunday, July 3, 2016

Today is your Day of Independence! (Stop Settling)

I remember a time in my life where I stayed or even entertained certain relationships because I didn't think I deserved any better. My mind and that quiet but forceful voice kept telling me that I would never have a fun, fulfilled and fruitful relationship because of my past.

I went in emotional and mental circles often because deep down, I knew what I deserved but I was afraid to say YES to it. I found myself settling in relationships, accepting what was given but not expecting anything more. I found myself emotionally trapped and mentally confused, not too mention very unhappy.

For a long time I believed the lies of others and myself to keep me from being emotionally and mentally available to receive more.  But oh when I came into the revelation of who God said I was and understood what I truly deserved, I made an independent and intentional decision to no longer settle.

I honestly believe that many women settle in relationships because they don’t feel as if they deserve better.  They give too much power to their past, old mindset, old behavior or even environment in making them believe that they have to accept and deal with love in any form it presents itself.

The downside or danger in this is WHEN you do discover who you be (intentional), stop believing the lies you were fed by others or yourself and diligently begin working toward being a better (authentic) version of you, you will begin to feel displaced in the relationship or marriage. That in turn leads to continued unhappiness and existing but not living. 

It will boil down to you playing the part in the relationship or marriage but eventually outgrowing your partner and desperately desiring to share space with someone you can connect with mentally, spiritually, emotional and otherwise but all the while remaining trapped. 

If this is your story and you know undoubtedly you need to FREE YOURSELF, here are 3 simple tips on your journey of becoming FREE!

1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  Don't allow past (decisions or relationships) keep you stuck or stagnant in your future.  Regardless of what you've done, the family or environment you grew up in/around or the relationship decisions you made in the past, you don't have to settle.

2. KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE. Don't stay in a relationship because you are content with being uncomfortable and unhappy. Don't just deal with it and cope your way through it because at the end of the day; if you don't identify and accept who you are and what you deserve, you will remain stuck.

3. STOP PLAYING THE PART AND TAKE THE LEAD ROLE. It's your life and your decision. Choose wisely. Don't settle because of some benefit that may be prevalent in the relationship. Don't settle because of history, children, property or even family expectations. Free Yourself!!

Are you ready to Free Yourself but have no idea where to start? Have you tried coping or crying through it? Has fear paralyzed & crippled you to stay in a dead end relationship? If you answered yes to any of these, in whole or part, I encourage you to email me today at jillandtreal@detourmovement so I can support you on this journey.

Free Yourself,
Treal Ravenel
Life & Marriage Transformation Catalyst

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