Tuesday, February 21, 2017

5 Identity Killers that Will Destroy Your Confidence!

As a young girl, I can recall struggling with having low self-esteem/lacking confidence. As long as I can remember, throughout my time in elementary, middle school and high school; I sought validation and affirmation from others. It started off with just simply trying to fit in with the more popular girls in Elementary School which continued into Middle School and my desire to fit in grew stronger.  I did things because I was trying to identify with other people so I emulated their behavior whether it was good, bad or indifferent. It didn't stop there because High School I dealt with the same issues and problems and ended up getting into a life-threatening relationship because I didn't know who I was. Many of us have heard the saying "looking for love in all the wrong places". Well, I was looking for my identity in all the wrong places.

Now let's be clear, I grew up in a two-parent home with a very loving family, but yet I still struggled with identifying who I was because I never took the time out to identity with me.  My parents were devout Christians and they showed me and my sisters the way of God in and outside of church. But that did not help me to identify with who l was. As I entered into my young adulthood, I was comparing my life, looks and limits to other people. I was not happy with me and found every way to be different.

If you don't know, I will share with you that when you lack confidence and boldness you become not only a target to the enemy, but also to the rest of the world. People can see the insecurities even if you try to mask our hide them. And when it comes to men, they can smell a woman who has low self-esteem  from a mile away and unfortunately you have some men that seek out these type of women. They prey on those that are weak in stature and weak-minded because they themselves are dealing with internal issues and they try to destroy other people's lives because their lives are going in a downward spiral.

I just wanted to stop by today to let you know that in order for you to discover who you are, you have to find your identity in God. God is the creator of all things and in order for you to understand who you are, you have to understand who he is beyond a sing and a Sunday shout.

There are 5 Identity Killers that I'd like to share with you that if not dealt with will destroy your life and relationships. I want to help you identify with these things so that you can self- reflect on your own life in identifying what you need to do to overcome any level of low self-esteem or low confidence. I want to make this disclaimer that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Many women struggle with their identity in having low self-esteem regardless of how young or old they are.
         5 Confident Killers:

1. You don't know what you like or don't like; you go along to get along.

2. You never speak up for what you believe or stand for; instead you allow other people's ideas and opinions overpower your voice.

3. You constantly compare yourself to other women and have a strong desire to be like them instead of owning and accepting who you are.

4. You take on certain behaviors and attitudes; total opposite of who you are to please others.

5. You constantly feel insignificant and inadequate.

Now what I want you to do is to look at these 5 things and others if they exist and make a conscious decision that these things will no longer have control and power over your identity. You have to make a decision to believe the truth of the word of God as it relates to who you are. Regardless of what you are going through or or what you face every single day, you have to make a decision that you are who God says that you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and marvelous are the works of God's hand. He created you and knows every strand of hair that is on your head. You are the apple of God's eye. You have been created in his Image and in his likeness. You are so special to him that he made you a little lower than the Angels.

And instead of trying to look to other people for validation, acceptance and for them to tell you that you are great, tell yourself that you are great; believe the word of God when it says that you are great. You don't need anyone to reassure or reaffirm you because God has already done that. So I say to you dear sister, deal with the hurt, the pain, the rejection, the abandonment, the neglect or whatever it is that has you in a space of feeling that you are not enough. I want to tell you that you are adequate. You are more than enough and you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

I do understand that it takes a lot more than you speaking it so what I need you to do is if you really want to be free, to stand in your wholeness, your truth and your boldness, deal with everything that's trying to keep you in a low and dark place regarding your identity.

One way you will be able to do this is by being clear on 5 things. These things will help be true to your own self.

1. Community :  Surround yourself with people that will remind you how great you are. These will be people that will push you to be bold and confident.

2. Consistency: Even when there is ambiguity all around you, remain consistent. Remain consistent in speaking life to you. Remain consistent in doing the things that allow you to feel confident and remain consistent in your relationship with God in always looking for ways to to know him on a deeper level. The deeper you go in God and the more you know him, the deeper you will go in yourself in Discovering You.

3. Courage: Be bold and stand in your truth. Don't allow anything or anyone to strip you of your power or your voice. There's a scripture that says be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might, put on the whole armor of God each and every day and stand flat-footed in who God has called you to be in this time and this season of your life. Do not allow fear to paralyze your purpose or dismantle your identity.

4. Competent: Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus. In order for you to feel competent and be clear on who you are, you have to renew your mind every single day.  You have access to the very same things that Jesus had access to. Don't allow your past life, current circumstances or fear of what's next for you cause you to operate in doubt or unbelief. There is nothing that you cannot do and there's absolutely nothing that you cannot have. All things are possible to those that believe. Stand on this truth!

5. Character of Christ: When you understand the character of Christ, you can then implement those things into your life and get the same results that he got. Your identity is in Christ identity and understanding of his character is vitally important in the process of  Discovering You. It's Christ in you, the hope of glory that will carry you through and constantly remind you of who you are. You are because he is! Get into his word and learn about him.

When you have an understanding of who you are and you can walk confidently in that place, your life and relationships will be so much better because of it. You will finally be able to establish, maintain and grow healthy and fulfilling relationships.

If this blog had definitely helped you to identify that you still struggle with your identity and you need more; I want to extend myself to you. 

Please email me at jillandtreal@detourmovement.com so we can help position you on your journey of Discovering You!

P.S. Join the 14 Day Love Challenge. 14 Strategies that will teach you how to love yourself from the inside out. Click HERE to join.  When you join, you will start from Day 1.

Treal Ravenel
Life & Marriage Change Agent

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