I know the challenges that couples are
faced with especially in the beginning stages of marriage. In fact, the first 3
- 5 years can be the hardest in marriage why, because you're trying to
bring two different lives together and make it one. Let's not even include if
you have children or a blended family, it is even more difficult. That in
itself is a hard pill to swallow. So just imagine if these two individuals are
not whole, dealing with past issues, hurt, pain, insecurities or anything that
will prohibit them from being whole within themselves and enter into marriage
in that state. I know for me and my husband the first couple years was
challenging for us and we had a hard time just simply getting along if I can be
brutally honest with you. He had his ways and I had my ways and we both were
very stubborn people. We both wanted our way and many times acted out of pure
selfishness in order to get it.
There were times we were distant with one another and
there were times where we blamed one another for various things in our
marriage. We were on two separate teams. Yeah.... two separate wavelengths and
we were foolish enough to think that our marriage would still be blessed.
There were times where I wanted to walk away and yes I
used the D-word (Divorce) on more than one occasion. I threatened to leave,
threatened separation and threatened that I would be better off with someone
else. But what I can tell you is that anytime you're using words to tear others
down vice build them up and especially in your marriage, then you are headed
for a road of disaster.
See for me because I was in a very abusive relationship
in the past, my tongue was a serious fighting machine. I wasn't able or strong
enough to fight back physically, so I did so with my mouth. I would say words
to tear you down and think nothing of it.
I have a gift. God gave me this voice, he gave me the
ability to be able to speak to others and in my speaking and writing lives
transform and it is only through his grace and mercy and him working in and
through me.
There was a point where I used my gifts and my strengths
for the wrong reasons and wrong motives even in my marriage. I failed to see
the whole picture at times because I wanted to paint my own canvas the way I
wanted it and I didn't want to take in consideration of including my husband. I
did not want to have to deal with his past, his hurts, his pain, his
insecurities, his discomfort.
Can I tell you something? Regardless of how much you feel
that you have arrived, we all have insecurities. We all come to the marriage
with a bag. Now how full that bag still may be is up to you and the work that
you've done beforehand but we all come with a bag
There was a turning point in our marriage and my husband
and I had to come to grips that we were too selfish people and in order for our
marriage to be healthy, happy and to last for a lifetime as God intended, there
were some things that we had to do.
Now before my husband realized it, I realized, so I was
the initiator. To all the wives who feel that your husband isn't onboard and
you are in this thing alone, just know that your consistency and you going
deeper in God is going to make all the difference.
I want to share with you 5 things really quickly as to
why Eradicating the D word from your marriage is so vitally important.
There's a chapter in my most recent book where I talked
about healthy conflict and a part of that is creating boundaries in your
marriage and establishing below the belt rules.
Eradicating the D word should be one of those boundaries
in your marriage and I want to share with you 5 reasons why.
1. You
give the enemy ammunition to use against your marriage! Yeah that's right, every time you're
speaking negatively into your marriage and you are using words that are
contrary to the word of God then you are giving the enemy a foothold to come in
swinging. It is the small foxes that destroy the vine and he will use every
little small thing, inchworm issue and problem and your words to destroy your
marriage.
2. You
will see what you have been seeding! Are
you noticing that even now in your marriage you're seeing certain things come
to pass because you have spoken them? That works for both good and evil.
You have to be very mindful of what words you allow to speak out of your mouth
regarding your husband and your marriage. I can assure you that what you say is
what you will see and what you see is what you said.
3. Words
do hurt and in fact they can and will kill! Proverbs 18:20-21 says "A man's belly
shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; with the increase of his lips
shall he be satisfied. Vs. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue and
they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." At no time should you use
your words to tear others down and then think by simply apologizing that things
are going to be better. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite is true and is
going to take some time for you not only to get over those words that have been
spoken over your life but to be able to rebuild and restore what someone else
has torn down which by the way you probably worked tirelessly to build up from
a previous incident. You don't want that to set that tone in your
marriage. If these are things that you have been doing prior to now, make a
commitment that after today you will no longer do them.
4. Marriage
is a lifetime agreement so get over it! Listen, it takes a lifetime for
marriage to get just right so regardless if you been married for 5 years, 10
years, 20 years or one month, you have a lifetime to get it right however,
there are intentional steps and things that you have to do in order to
contribute to the health and wealth of your marriage. Part of that is praying,
part of that is investing, part of that is being on one accord but in all
things you have to make sure that you are taking the necessary steps at the
right time.
5. You neglect its original intent! So when you're
using the D word and threatening to leave the marriage covenant because you're
hurt, your emotions are all over the place, you don't like the situation
anymore or for whatever reason outside of adultery, desertion or if you are in
the life threatening situation then you're going against the order of God. God
never intended divorce and in fact he hates divorce. So think twice about using
those words and think twice about what God intended for your marriage to be and
do here on the Earth.
In order for any of this to be possible, you are going to
have to go Deeper! know I know you may be over it, you maybe tired of
being the initiator, you may be tired of doing all the work, you may feel like
you're in it by yourself or you just maybe feeling. What I can tell you is
this, obedience reap rewards and it will be because of your obedience to God
first then to your husband, you will see the rewards.
So can I count on you to take 6 Action Steps to going
Deeper in your marriage starting today?
IT'S TIME TO GO DEEPER:
1. What can you do starting today individually or as a
couple to reposition yourselves in your marriage? What tools and resources do
you need and what are you willing to do to go about obtaining them?
2. What would you do differently starting today to be at
a different place in your marriage? Are you committed to doing those things?
What is your plan and strategy?
3. What does working at your marriage mean to you? The
common phrase is "marriage is work", but I challenge you to
rethink this and think of your marriage as a lifetime investment so with that
being said what is the return that you would like to see on your investment?
What are you willing to do starting today to ensure you see that return?
4. In your marriage what is considered a good day vs a
bad day? When you guys experience these things how do you manage it? Do you
reward one another for the good days? Do you extend grace and forgiveness when
days are not so good? How are you currently handling this?
5. Is the D word still present in your marriage? If so,
are you committed today to removing it once and for all come hell or high
water? Remember, the enemy is using this to his advantage, let's not give him
the victory.
6. Are you willing to recommit to your marriage starting
today? I know before reading this, you may not have had high hopes or you were
discouraged or unsure, but I'm asking you as of today and after reading this
blog are you willing to recommit to your marriage?
For many of you this blog blessed you tremendously. You know
exactly what you need to do and how to do it so that you can stop seeking a way
out but learning to start working through things together with your husband.
For many others, this was just the tip of the iceberg for
you and you desperately need more. You need some proven steps and strategies
that are going to help you not want to give up but want to get up and be able
to do what's necessary to save or strengthen your marriage.
For those of you that are in that space, I would like to
personally invite you to join me on Saturday June 24th at SHE'S F.I.R.E 2K17 Conference in Beltsville, MD. At this
conference, I will be sharing with you how to re-ignite or initiate the
F.I.R.E. in your marriage so that you and your husband can have the life that
you love starting right now. Don't think for a minute that there has to be all
these issues and problems going on in your marriage for you to attend this
conference because what I do know is that constant improvement in you is
constant improvement in your marriage.
Even if you are at a place of good, I am going to show
you how to get to a place of great and to excel from that place.
Click HERE to check out the details and to
register. Right now we have a two pay option available so you can secure your
ticket for as low as $48 today and have the balance paid by the 16th
of June.
I hope to see you there but most of all I want to see
your marriage transformed!
This is your girl Treal Ravenel aka the Wife Coach..
allow God to arise in your marriage and every enemy be scattered!
Click HERE to register for SHE'S F.I.R.E 2K17!
Treal Ravenel the Wife Coach
